Page 95 of It Was Always You

‘Lil? You okay?’

She glanced up at the beautiful half-naked man whose brow was creased in concern and just nodded, unable to form words.

After a few moments she inhaled a long, calming breath. ‘Right… shirt. Well, personally I’ve always liked the pale blue one with the button-down collar. It’s… you look… it makes you look… a little less repugnant,’ she teased in the way she always had but didn’t really feel the joke.

He grabbed the shirt and slipped it on his muscular torso. ‘Gee, thanks, Lil. With friends like you…’ His sculpted back muscles flexed as he moved, and she swallowed hard again and turned away.

He turned around on the spot in his bedroom. ‘Okay… will I do?’

She couldn’t help but smile. He looked stunning. This Emily woman would fall for him tonight, if she hadn’t already, and that would be it.

The end.

Taking a deep breath, she stood before him and put her hands on his arms. ‘Adders, she’d be crazy not to fall head over heels in love with you right then and there.’ Her voice was almost a whisper.

He locked his gaze on hers and unreadable emotions flashed across his face. She dropped her arms but kept her eyes focused on his, willing him to see the truth. But instead, he shook his head as if to rid himself of confusion or something.

He cleared his throat and said, ‘Aww, thanks, Lil. You’re so great.’

She bit down harder on the inside of her lip. ‘And don’t you forget it.’ Repeating her well-used phrase, she punched him lightly on the arm. She went back over to the bed and sat down.

He paced again. ‘I’m scared shitless though. Tonight might be… you know… the night.’ He chewed on his thumb. ‘She’s made it very clear that she wants me. But… it’s been so long, you know? Since I’ve…’

Lily’s heart sank. The last shred of hope left her body. Once he’d made love to Emily that was it. No going back. She wouldn’t let him go and who could blame her?

Finding a little courage from somewhere, Lily took a deep breath. ‘Look, Adders… I need to tell you something… I may struggle to get the words out, so just let me speak, okay?’

He sat beside her, a furrow of concern to his brow once again. ‘Sure, anything. What’s up, Lil? Are you, are you all right?’

She nodded. ‘I’m… yes, I’m fine… it’s just that… I can’t do this any more… this… this⁠—’

Adam’s phone interrupted them.

He glanced at the caller ID. ‘Oh God, it’s Emily. What if she’s cancelling? I should take this.’ He winced in apology, but Lily just smiled and nodded. He gave her the thumbs up before answering. ‘Hey, Emily, how are you? Yes… ahuh… oh, right… that’s fine… no problems… I’m looking forward to seeing you again, too.’ Lily stood. Feeling that the moment had passed, she walked towards the door, but Adam’s voice stopped her. ‘One sec, Emily… Lily? Hey, Lily, where’re you going?’

She turned and smiled at him as breezily as she could. ‘Don’t worry… we’ll talk later. Have fun tonight… and… good luck, eh? Let’s hope she’s the one.’ She turned and walked down the stairs as she heard Adam continue his enthusiastic conversation. Monty was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs, the final piece of his chew hanging from the corner of his mouth.

‘Smoking those will stunt your growth, Monty,’ she told him with a smile. He wagged his tail and strangely dropped the chew to the floor as if he’d understood. He trotted over to her and nudged her hand, so she crouched down to look in his eyes. ‘Look after Daddy Adam, okay? And try not to bite Emily when you meet her. Well, not too hard anyway.’ Her voice broke and Monty licked her chin. Such a sensitive wee soul. ‘Bye for now.’ She kissed the top of his head, and he whined as she let herself out.

By the time she reached the car, Lily’s tears were relentless and she felt like someone had reached in and pulled out the very heart of her. Well, what was left of it anyway.

There had been no closure like she’d hoped. But she had to make her own closure now. She had to let go. Finally. He would never love her back. Not in that way. Not in the way he had loved Eve. Not that she wanted to replace her friend in his affections. No, she just wanted him to love her in a way that wasn’t just friendship.

She took a deep breath and opened the car door. She wiped the tears from her eyes and stood for a moment with her head hung down, trying to compose her emotions and willing herself not to look back. She couldn’t look back. She would just get into the car and go home, drawing a line under everything.

He would get the message eventually.

Adam finished his call to Emily. The plans had changed. She had asked if she could meet him at the restaurant instead. That was fine. He was ready now, thanks to Lily.

Oh God, Lil, she had wanted to talk!

He rushed to the window and looked down into the street. Lily stood by her car looking at the ground and leaning on the open door. Her shoulders were shuddering. What was she laughing at? She wiped her eyes. No, she wasn’t laughing. She was crying about something. He was about to go after her when without looking back she climbed into her car and drove away.

Lily never cried. Well, not often. She was a tough cookie. Checking his watch, he realised he would have to set off and wouldn’t have a chance to check on her until probably tomorrow. After all, he would no doubt be back too late tonight – if he came home at all.

He sat on his bed to pull his suede boots on. The conversation with Lily played over in his mind along with the images of her face. Her expression had been… lost… resigned even. But about what? It didn’t make any sense. He remembered her saying she couldn’t do… something any more. What could she not do any more? Visit and help him pick out clothes? She’d always done that. Boost his confidence? She’d always done that. Help him find a woman to share his life with? It had been her idea…

He thought back through what had been said again, trying to decipher the clues, if there were any. She sounds perfect… but so are you… she would be crazy not to fall in love with you right then and there…