Page 4 of Falling for the Hotshot

Thinking back to our engagement, my parents acted like I had just won some sort of Nobel Prize in marriage. No one lit a candle compared to Ray, the pastor's son. Ray, the future doctor, pastor’s son. Ray, the volunteer on weekends, animal-loving, knowing every verse in the Bible, future white coat wearing pastor’s son. As far as my parents were concerned, it didn’t get any better than this. It couldn’t get any better than this. I had started to believe it myself.

So, on this fateful day that Ray showed up, he had his hands in his jeans pockets. I couldn’t see either of them. The last time he did that, it was just before he pulled out my engagement ring. Today, his hands didn’t budge.

“Autumn,” he said, as if he was confirming that was, in fact, my first name. But it didn’t sound like he was addressing me but rather saying the season out loud.

“Ray?” I looked at him with confusion while he averted his gaze. He looked away from me. I now know that he couldn’t make eye contact because he was about to do something shameful. But at the time, I felt fear that something very, very wrong had happened to him. Was it a relative? Did the family dog fall ill? Surely, he showing up here at my work, unannounced, meant that he had an emergency that he needed me with him to face. We would weather the storm together, just like we would no matter what came our way in the next fifty years together.

“Can we go outside for a minute?” Ray’s eyes shifted around the room, where two volunteers had been sorting through all of the seasonal decor that we used at the church throughout the summer and seeing what needed to be kept, repaired, or thrown out. While Rebekah was working on folding up the 4th of July bunting we had barely taken down, her husband Sam was sorting through a box of fall decor we were about to put out. Large pumpkins, sparkle leaves of every color in nature and make-believe, and hay bales.

“I’ll just be a minute,” I told the couple, who had just volunteered for an hour this morning before their respective jobs started. They both met me with a nod, each of them consumed with their tasks on hand. Rebekah had pulled out a bag of firecrackers, and with wide eyes handed them to her husband, as if they could spontaneously explode at any moment.

“Thanks,” Ray said, opening the large door of the church at the end of the aisle and motioning for me to walk out onto the steps.

“What’s this about, Ray?” I asked, my mind going back to why there was a bag of firecrackers sitting in the dusty church basement to begin with. I’ll handle that in a moment. Right now, my fiancé needs me. Something is so wrong that he’s come to my work.

“I—I just wanted to talk to you about something.” He looked away from me, the sunlight causing me to squint my eyes. If I’d had even one more second to think before coming out here, I would have grabbed my sunglasses. Or, maybe now, I wouldn’t have come out here at all. Something wasn’t right. If I was honest with myself, something hadn’t been right for months.

“Okay, just tell me already.” He nodded, his hands now settled in his suit jacket pockets. His outfit today was strange; it wasn’t unusual for him to wear a suit jacket over a shirt. In fact, he did this often. But the manner of how much it didn’t go together today was different for Ray. He usually had a bit more style. He was a little more put-together. Today’s outfit choice was either rushed, or he just didn’t care. Two things Ray did not exemplify.

“I want to call off the wedding.”

Chapter 5

Kindling

Blaze

Back at the base, long after all of our desserts were gone, another day went by of clearing brush and doing controlled burns in spots that needed to regenerate safely. As I dug fire lines, the trenches that held fire like a perimeter when the winds cooperated, I couldn’t get the girl from the grocery store out of my head.

When we were driving back to base after swapping out with another crew, Nash and Jimmy started asking me questions immediately.

“So, we saw you looking at the pretty redhead...” Nash winked at me, ribbing me with his elbow, and leaning towards me to do so as he drove. I shook my head.

“Focus on the road, please. I’d like to survive the drive if we can help it.” Nash rolled his eyes.

“I’m the best driver in the world. Watch this,” he snickered, as he took his hands off the wheel and started steering with his knee.

Jimmy piped up. “That’s it, man. Let me take the wheel.” I was elated that he, too, had no tolerance for scary driving. “My wife would kill me if she knew that I was a passenger in a vehicle driven by you.” Nash shrugged and pulled over.

“Fine. I guess I get to eat my lunch while you two backseat drivers transport us back safely.” The eye roll that followed was missed by both Jimmy and me, but I could almost hear it.

“Thanks, Nash. I know it’s hard to give up control.” Jimmy patted him on the back as they switched seats, Nash climbing into the back.

“Now, where were we? Oh, that’s right. The redhead from the bakery line.” Nash opened up the plastic container that housed his lunch, as well as an apple pie crème brûlée, and the scent was intoxicating. I almost asked Jimmy to pull over to the first picnic area so we could eat our lunches, too, but I held back.

“What about her?” I asked, every fiber in my being wanting to cross my arms, but I didn’t want to look defensive.

“She had a ring on her finger,” Nash said quietly. My heart sank. I hadn’t realized that, and I certainly was not trying to covet someone else’s wife. She was a stunning woman, one that I felt unreasonably attracted to… But it was wrong. And I asked God to remove these feelings that were misplaced. It wasn’t a missed connection… It was a temptation in the wrong direction.

As we drove back to base that day, I considered the fact that I looked at everyone twice, as I was ready for a relationship, but this really did seem different. There was something different about this girl. Something a little more… destined. That sounded insane, especially with the development that she was already taken. I shifted in my seat, gazing out the window at the dry landscape, where my mind went to fire. But not even a second later, I remembered that her hair was the color of the flames.

Chapter 6

Burned

Autumn

My jaw dropped before my mind caught up. I didn’t understand the delay. I didn’t understand how we could put it off for a time when all of the details had already been worked out. The craftsman creating our wedding altar had just sent me a digital mockup before he started carving the wood. Doves were going to be released after Ray kissed me under it. My grandma was traveling six-hundred miles in the heat of the late summer sun by Greyhound bus, because she was afraid of flying, to be at the wedding. We couldn’t put the wedding off. Grandma had already bought her bus ticket.