Page 90 of Seein’ Red

My words land all wrong though, having the exact opposite effect than what I want. Willa huffs, her nostrils flaring, like a cartoon dragon ready to charge. All that’s missing is the fire and smoke.

“Which is why you slept with Kitty then, right?” she snaps, her voice even louder than before. If Hickory Hills wasn’t on high alert before, they certainly are now.

I can hear the shuffling and murmurs start in behind me, and I throw a glance over my shoulder. Sure enough, the girls are huddled in, giving each other knowing looks and mouthing to each other things I can't make out. Her exclamation doesn’t seem like a surprise to them, which shouldn’t surprise me. Yet, I can’t help but feel the embarrassment of the women I care about most thinking such a thing about me.

Especially since it’s not true.

Willa isn’t done yet though. She has more venom to spew at me.

“Which is why you took my heart and tore it into pieces.” Her voice cracks, and I turn back to her, the tears forming in her eyes ripping my insides to shreds. “Led me to believe that there could be something between us when we were teenagers; that we could be just as nauseatingly cute as Dustin and Kenzie. All to level me with the knowledge that you slept with the one person you knew would hurt me the most. All of that was because you loved me.”

“I lied about Kitty.”

There it is. The truth. Something that should have been said so many years ago. Something I’m now afraid isn’t going to be enough.

“Psssh, sure you did. Because taking your turn on the town bike is something everyone wants to own up to.”

Ouch. That stings. Although not undeserved. More than anything, it fuels in me that I have to make Willa understand.

“I did. I’d say you could ask her, but I doubt she’d tell the truth.”

"And you’ve just never said anything. All this time and you’ve just kept that to yourself.”

I take a step closer to her, wanting to reach out. To hold her. But she steps back. Fuck.

“I’ve been trying to tell you all week, but every time I bring it up, you’ve stopped me. I freaked out, Wills. I was an idiot who didn’t know how to handle his feelings and so I freaked out and did the dumbest thing I could have. Did the only thing I’ve ever deeply, truly regretted in my life.”

Willa sucks in a breath, her whole chest heaving up then down. Looking over my shoulder, she has some silent eye conversation with the girls. Everything inside me wants to turn and look. To see if I can make out what it is they’re communicating to each other, but I hold back.

“I don’t believe you.”

Just like that, everything comes crashing down around me. All it took was four little words and my world ends. All I see is red, my skin heating up, anger swirling around me. No, this is beyond anger. This is whatever the next step up is.

Because this is no longer about the mistake I made. The mistakes. This is about Willa digging in her heels, having to be right. About not wanting to admit her own feelings and accept that she loves me back. I’ve done pretty much everything possible to ruin this—none of it on purpose—and I’ll be damned if she is what stands in my way of salvaging it.

“You mean you don’t want to believe me.”

“Excuse you?!” Willa’s hands are back on her hips, all her sass returning as she shifts all her weight to one side, an unamused look staring back at me.

“You heard me.”

“Are you accusing me of something? Because I’m not the one who fucked Kitty Cattaway!”

“I didn’t fuck her!” Throwing my arms out in exasperation, I look up and scream. “What do I have to do to make you see, Willa? I have done everything wrong when it comes to you. Every. Fucking. Thing. I admit that. But you won’t let me make it right. Because it’s easier for you to keep me the villain in your story than to be vulnerable.”

A barstool scrapes against the floor, a hand landing on my shoulder half a second later. I know it’s Noel—call it a twin thing, but I just know. I appreciate his support, but right now, things need to be said, and I don’t give a damn about where we are or who’s watching. So I shrug him off and close in on Willa.

“You bitch about how hardheaded all your friends were in their relationships. How Kenzie couldn't get out of her own damn way, and how Sylvie couldn't see what was right in front of her for fucking ever, and how Bronwyn fought it tooth and nail. But you, Willa, have the hardest head of them all. Because you refuse to see…accept…admit your own fucking feelings. Everything, everything, I have done is because I love you. Absolutely fucking everything. Even lying about Kitty, because I loved you so much my stupid teenage self couldn't handle hearing that you didn't return those feelings.”

Willa starts to respond, but I cut her off. I’m not done.

“I’ve kept what was between us casual because that’s what you wanted. I kept it a secret, because that’s what you wanted. But you know what I want?”

I pause for a moment, waiting for her to respond. But she doesn't say anything. Simply stands there, moving her hands off her hips and folding her arms across her chest, staring back at me in defiance.

Fine, two can play this game.

“I want you to remove your head from your ass, Princess, and finally admit that I’m what you want too. That way we can be as disgustingly, nauseatingly cute as the rest of our friends. Think you can manage that?”