Page 37 of Sundown Somewhere

“The last thing you need is⁠—”

“What if it is, huh?” I cut him off, raising my voice. “The whole best way to get over one guy is to get under another thing.”

“I’m not going to have our first time together be some drunken, sloppy mistake!” Hux shouts.

Wait…what?!

Pushing off the bureau, he takes a few steps toward the window, inhaling deeply. The muscles in his back contract, rippling through his T-shirt as he exhales slowly, turning back around, his normally intense expression growing deeper, those hazel eyes darkening.

“I get it. You wanted to be numb to forget him and all that. Fine. And if you want to make out with me and rub up against me like a cat in heat while drunk, fine. I can be that for you. I will be that for you. But that’s where I draw the line.” He slices through the air with his hand, marking the figurative line. “Because you deserve a man who is going to fuck you. Properly. Like you might have trouble walking the next day, properly. Only after he’s worshipped you to within an inch of your life and you’ve seen stars you didn’t know existed. And you know what, Dolly? I’ll be that guy too. But not drunk. Oh no. Because that’s not something worth forgetting.”

Holy shit…

I sit back down on the bed, at a complete loss for words. Did he just…no. He…what?

Blinking, I try to make this make sense. I’m not going to have our first time together be some drunken, sloppy mistake. First time. That implies it would not be a one-off.

Oh boy.

No. Hux doesn’t look at me like that. Hence why he pushed me away last night. Right?

Flicking my gaze over to him, my eyes meet his, a shiver shooting straight down my spine as they connect. He’s the same man—the same little boy—he’s been my entire life, standing right there. Yet, he’s more. So much more. And that more is suddenly all I feel. A zingy, squishy, tingle that is settling deep in my belly.

Hux is willing to be all that. For me.

“Say something, please,” he murmurs.

I need to tell him. I need him to know the truth. All of it.

“I’m humiliated…”

“Don’t be. It’s just me and⁠—”

“No,” I cut him off. I can’t let him finish and try to excuse everything he just said. “Not about that. I mean Jeff. Being left at the altar. I’m not heartbroken; I’m humiliated.”

I stand back up, this time slower to prevent the head rush, and turn toward the bathroom. It’s my turn to pace, trying to find the words to explain this so he’ll understand.

“You’re not heartbroken?”

I shake my head, pulling my lips into my mouth, fighting back more tears. “No. I know I should be. But, I’m just not?” I shrug. “If I’m honest with myself, I haven’t loved him for a while.”

Hux nods, slowly, face scrunched as he tries to process. “So, I was going to be the man of honor in a wedding where you didn’t love the groom? I was just supposed to watch you walk down the aisle to something other than happily ever after?”

I swallow hard, guilt starting to nibble at me. I hadn’t thought of it that way, and I don’t have a good response, so I simply nod.

“Fuck, Dolly,” he curses, running his hand over his face. I wait for him to explode. I can’t blame him. Except, when he looks back up at me, his eyes are glassy, like he’s the one fighting back tears now. “Was I so bad at my job that you thought you couldn’t come to me with that?”

A pang stabs right into my heart. Fuck, that’s the last thing I want him to think.

“No…no…” I rush over to Hux, slipping my hands in his. We’ve held hands a thousand times over the years, but this feels different. Electric. “I thought he loved me and wanted to get married. And this was my chance at an okay-ish life and⁠—”

“Okay-ish?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t going to be perfect, I know that. Like, I probably wasn’t going to get my white house with a porch, but…I’d be married, and have babies. Was it settling? Sure, but it was better than not having any of that. And, I’ve already settled in other areas, so what was one more and⁠—”

“No.”

No?!