Page 87 of Aryn

I don’t want to lose him.

But I’m not sure I know how to keep him, either.

Cato

We’ve been walking for hours and the silence between Aryn and me feels like a living thing. He’s keeping his distance, but not in an angry, stomping way. That would be easier.

No, he’s doing it politely.

He walks ahead with Ronan and Lillith, laughs at something Cameron says, and offers Taryn his arm when the path gets icy. He showers them all in the attention I’ve grown so accustomed to getting, and suddenly I’m having withdrawals from it. It’s beyond desperate, honestly, how I force myself into his orbit, hoping to be pulled in by his gravity so I can get another fix. But every time I drift closer, he finds a reason to shift away.

It’s so obvious the others have noticed. Cameron keeps shooting me these annoyingly sympathetic looks, and even Ronan’s been unusually quiet.

I hate it.

My life is full of destruction. Anyone who knows me could confirm it. When doors need busting down or a fight is brewing, I’m there. I’m steady.

I break things, but I don’t know how to fix them.

Aryn is a few steps ahead, saying something to Cameron, but eventually he falls into step beside me again.

“So, uh,” I start, then clear my throat. “About three years ago, I got hired to break this guy out of the military’s holding cells. He was some VIP tech type. Not a fighter. They never expected him to run, so they had him in a minimum-security place. It was supposed to be an easy extraction. We’re talking ten minutes max, then collect a big payday from his colleagues who were busting him out.”

Aryn glances over at me. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t shut me down either. That’s something, so I push through my nerves to continue.

“It’s the middle of the night, and I’ve got the layout of this place memorized. Sakane is a fucking genius with maps and routes, right? So I was prepared. A dozen different ways to get in and out, and every damn shadow of the place was accounted for. Except we missed something.”

Aryn’s eyebrows lift slightly, but he’s still disengaged. I trail off, grimacing at the ground. I wonder if I can just bury myself along with this awkwardness.

“What’d you miss?” he asks quietly.

My eyes swing to his. They’re reserved—shut down and so fucking cautious, but at least he’s looking at me now.

“There, um,” I start, fighting through the tension despite the urge to flee from his scrutiny. “There were these motion-sensor floodlights? They covered the entire exterior of the building, but they weren’t on the schematics. Suddenly, the whole place lights up. I’m standing there like an idiot, fully illuminated, while alarms start screaming.”

I shake my head, laughing at myself. “I probably should’ve just turned around and ran, but it was a lot of fucking money, right? So I do the only thing I can think of and run straight toward the building like a godsdamned action hero. Meanwhile, the target sees me barreling toward him through the window and thinks I’m there to kill him. He screams for the guards, and once I’m inside the room trying to get him to shut the fuck up, he starts throwing everything he can at me. Books. A lamp. A fucking chair. I’m dodging furniture while security is closing in.”

Aryn’s mouth twitches, fighting a smile.

“I finally get to him, throw him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and start running. We make it out, and this guy’s still terrified and smacking me with a fucking stapler or something when we get to the extraction point. Bash and Sakane were there waiting, along with my buddy Jayce. They all just kinda looked at me and at the chaos I left behind, and finally Bash just says, ‘That was messy.’”

“Sounds messy,” Aryn agrees.

“Point is,” I say, softer, “I’ve done a lot of stupid shit in my life. I’m really good at fucking things up and figuring out how to fix them after. I fucked things up with you this morning, and I’d really like the chance to fix it.”

Aryn is quiet for a few steps. The faint smile fades, but the distance between us feels a little smaller. “Okay,” he finally says. His voice isn’t warm, but it’s not cold either.

I know better than to push.

He stays by my side for the rest of the day, though he doesn’t speak aside from what’s necessary. Night falls without incident, but as the sun drops behind the mountains, the distance returns.

We make camp within a cluster of trees off the main path. Aryn helps set up camp and organize the watch rotation like always, but he lays out his sleeping bag several trees away from me—far enough that it’s deliberate. I try not to let it sting, but my chest is tighter than it’s ever been.

He sees me looking between our spots, then walks over holding the blanket he bought in Thralune. “This should keep you comfortable tonight,” he says as he hands it over.

I stare at the blanket, then up at him, trying to read him. “Thanks.”

My stomach sinks lower when he doesn’t give me anything else, and it keeps dropping until it sits like lead in my toes. He looks like he might say something, but doesn’t. He just dips his chin in a polite, careful nod like he’d give a stranger, then turns to arrange his bedroll.