Page 28 of Lay Down the Law

CHAPTER 5

The sight of the scar froze him in place. It started on the outside edge of her shoulder and ran in a jagged line toward her collarbone. Not the work of a surgeon, but the violent action of a bullet and an emergency room doctor’s frantic efforts to stop serious bleeding, he imagined.

Nick saw her stiffen, realizing belatedly he’d been staring. She jerked the comforter up to her chin, gripping the edge tightly. What was the matter with him? She was obviously self-conscious about the scar. He was only making things worse by sticking around and prolonging this. But he couldn’t take back what he’d seen. As a fellow cop—and her superior—he damn well couldn’t refrain from asking her about it.

He raised his gaze to hers, seeing far too clearly what she was feeling. “That’s not the first time I’ve seen a scar from a bullet wound, McNeal.”

“It’s the first time you’ve seen mine.” She looked away, no longer the tough-talking cop with a war story, but a woman faced with a disfiguring scar. “It’s ugly.”

The contrast between woman and cop struck him. As he watched the emotions scroll across her features, a fierce protectiveness rose up inside him. He couldn’t let her statement stand, he realized. Even if the scar was bad, he wanted her to know it didn’t detract from her in any way. Not as a cop. Certainly not as a woman. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he said gently.

“How do you know?” she snapped.

The ice in her voice surprised him. Nick pulled in a breath, realizing for the first time the depth of her emotional wounds—and how little he knew about that night.

“You want to tell me what you mean by that?” he asked.

A dry smile curved her mouth. “Are you asking as my superior who needs to gauge my frame of mind, or as a friend, Nick?”

“How about a little of both?”

Sighing, she pulled one of the throw pillows against her and frowned at him. “I got hit the same night Danny Perrine was shot. Bullets do a hell of a number on flesh. End of story.”

“I already know that, but why the guilt? Why won’t you talk to me?”

She shot him a dark look. “I don’t want to get into this. Not now.”

“We work together. I need to be able to trust you. I deserve an explanation.”

She looked down at her hands, stilled them by smoothing the pillowcase. “I froze up, Nick. I screwed up and got hit. I let Danny Perrine take a hit. How do you expect me to feel?”

“Frank said it wasn’t your fault.”

“According to Internal Affairs. But they weren’t there.”

“You feel differently?”

“If I’d reacted differently, Danny wouldn’t be stuck in a wheelchair with a bullet in his spine. I’d still have my career. And I wouldn’t be here in Logan Falls trying to get back everything I’ve lost. Does that answer your question?”

“It doesn’t tell me why you feel responsible.”

“I made a mistake. It’s as stupid and simple as that.”

“So you’re trying to make up for your so-called mistake by putting yourself on the line? By taking unnecessary risks? We both know that’s not going to change what happened.”

“I’m dealing with this the only way I know how.”

“What are you trying to prove, McNeal?”

Her eyes heated. “I don’t have anything to prove.”

“I think you do. Only it’s not to me or Frank or Internal Affairs. You’ve got something to prove to yourself.”

“You don’t know me as well as you think you do.”

“You’re getting defensive,” he pointed out.

“Damn right I am.”