Page 81 of Certified to Handle You 3

I grabbed my drink before my mind could carry that shit any further.

Fuck that.

Tonight wasn’t about Sha’Nelle…

I spent the rest of the celebration doin’ exactly what I was here to do. I drank, laughed with my people, cut into my cake, and let everybody talk they shit. Every now and then I caught myself driftin’, but I pulled it back before somebody could notice. I wasn’t finna stand around with my family celebratin’ me while lookin’ like somebody had died.

By the time shit started slowin’ down, I had more gifts than I knew where the hell I was gon’ put.

Pressure looked at the pile and laughed. “Nigga, don’t tip the whip over with all this shit.”

“Y’all niggas the one that bought the shit.”

Blaq picked up one of the boxes. “Come on before this nigga start arguin’ about the gifts.”

“I’m finna argue with yo’ ass if you drop one,” I said.

He laughed and carried it toward the door while Pressure grabbed a couple more.

The three of us went back and forth until everything was packed into my trunk and back seat. I stood by the car with my hands on my hips lookin’ at all that shit, then glanced at Pressure.

“I ain’t gon’ lie though. You did good, nigga.”

Pressure looked at me. “I know.”

“Forreal though,” I said. “Good ass night. I appreciate you.”

Pressure hugged me. “You my nigga. You ain’t gotta thank me.”

“I know. I’m still sayin’ it.”

He nodded when we pulled apart and slapped my shoulder.

I dapped Blaq and pulled him into a quick hug too before we all headed back inside. I made my rounds one more time ‘cause my mama would’ve called me as soon as I hit the street if I left without tellin’ her bye. I hugged her, then Pops, spoke to everybody else, and finally got my ass outta there before somebody found another reason to keep me.

The second the car door closed behind me, the night got quieter than I wanted it to. I sat here for a minute with both hands on the wheel before pullin’ off.

At first I tried to hold on to the good mood I left with. I turned the music up and let it play while I drove, but somewhere between the jewelry store and the house, that hug with Toni came back to me.

I could still see her face. The shit she ain’t say bothered me.

I knew Toni loved her cousin. I knew Sha’Nelle and Toni was close. That wasn’t news to me, but tonight it felt different ‘cause Toni was the closest thing to Sha’Nelle I had let near me in months.

I had done a good job keepin’ my distance from anything that made me think about her too hard. I went where I needed to go, handled my shit and came home. I stopped lookin’ for reasons to hear about her and stopped lettin’ people drag her name into conversations with me. Then Toni hugged me, and all that distance I had created felt thin as fuck.

I kept drivin’ with one hand on the wheel and the other restin’ near the console. The fucked up part was that I had a good night… a damn good night.

My family showed up for me. They spent money on me, celebrated me, laughed with me and made sure I knew I was loved. I had everything a nigga could ask for and then some. Still, when I thought about the night as a whole, there was one person missin’ from it.

And that was Sha’Nelle….

I hated how easy her name still came into my mind.

The perfect gift wouldn’t have been another watch or some expensive shit sittin’ in my trunk. If somebody had asked me what I really wanted before all of this got fucked up, I would’ve said her. I would’ve wanted Sha’Nelle standin’ somewhere in that room laughin’ with Toni, talkin’ shit with Pluto, and lookin’ at me the way she used to when she was happy to be somewhere with me. That was the shit I couldn’t buy.

By the time I pulled into the driveway, I felt heavier than I did when I left the party.

I cut the engine and sat here in the dark car for a minute, lookin’ through the windshield at the mansion.