Page 37 of Back Outside Edge

I have never been more sure about anything in my life

It's painfully true, but I hope he takes it as a joke. I'm left with another long pause, though. What is he thinking? I wish I could see his face. I wish I'd had the guts to hit the video chat button. Could I do it now? I mean, we're planning a visit, so surely we can video chat. It's more efficient, right?

Before I can second-guess myself yet again, I hit the button. Guess I’m all about the impulsive decisions this evening. And then hold my breath. Please say yes, please say yes. Hit that accept button, please.

Evan

Did you mean to do that?

Shit, that's bad. It's not quite a no, but it's far from a yes.

Me

Yeah, but we can keep texting if that's better

And now it's my phone that's ringing with a video chat request. Holy shit. He wants to video chat! My fingers fumble a little as I hit the accept button, but luckily I don't mess it up. And Evan's face fills my screen.

He looks different than what I remember. Not a lot, but a little. A bit more filled out, less lean, as if he too has eaten more than he usually does during the off season. It looks good on him though.

He’s reclined on an ugly brown couch and—I squint, trying to make out whatever’s in his background. Is it a piece of artwork? A poster? It’s bright, cheery, at odds with the brown color palette permeating what I can see of his space. Even the walls are a brownish beige.

Then he smiles, and my heart stops. Who cares what his room looks like, when that smile is in it? It's somehow better than I remember. It lights up every shadow in my too-big living room. "Hey." His voice sounds exactly how I remember. Just a bit of gravel. When he talks more, I might be able to catch the hint of a Canadian accent. Which spikes straight through my body every time.

"Hey." Now I'm the one grinning like an idiot, but I can't stop myself. It's so nice to see him again, to hear him again. He's so beautiful.

How did I ever believe I was straight? No question how Evan got through that misbelief, but it's astonishing that I thought so. Nothing about my attraction to him has changed since I last saw him.

"You look good." Astonishingly, I'm not the one saying it. Even if it's what I'm thinking.

"You do too." His eyes dip away from mine, and I think he's taking in my face. My mouth, maybe. Or is that asking too much?

Then he goes back to looking at his camera and smiles again. "You got tan."

I did? Oh, right, yes, of course I did. Evan clearly makes me lose my mind. "My mom makes me go outside to work out for a couple of hours every day now. And it's, you know, summer, so sun. Even here."

"It's summer?" His eyes crinkle. "Are you sure? Because it's definitely not summer here." He spins his phone around, and I'm given a dizzying view of what I assume to be the walls of his apartment, all that same sad brown. Then I'm looking out the window into the street. Where there's snow.

"Snow? It's April. How is there snow?"

He laughs, and the phone swivels back to his face. "I live in Canada, remember?"

"Of course I remember, but it's April!"

His gorgeous dark eyes are light amber right now with his laughter. How had I not noticed how much they change? Well, now I have, and I'll never forget it. "Honestly, we didn't have snow two days ago, but freak blizzard yesterday. So now we do."

"You live in a very strange place."

“Says the guy who lives somewhere with no snow. Right? Are you still in Oakland?”

"Yeah."

“So when you say 'stay with me,' do you mean your family?” His nose wrinkles adorably, and I can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out.

“No, I have my own place. But if I didn't, they’d be happy to have you. Mom'll probably beg you for pointers for her students. And Dad can use your help getting me in line.”

He does the adorable glance down that I remember. The one that I'm pretty sure means he's blushing, except I can't see it through his skin tone. I want to make him do that as often as possible. How many times can I make him blush if he visits me? "Are you sure it's not too much to ask?"

"I'm really sure, Evan. Come, please."