Page 23 of The Cost of Love

“Here you go.” He hands me the bag and begins to retreat.

“What is this?”

“Food delivery from Taco Bell.” Finished, he walks out and jumps into a truck.

I move to the kitchen to open the bag. Inside is a plethora of tacos, burritos, and fries. Before I can process this, my phone goes off with a text.

Just thinking of you. Alex writes with a smiling emoji. Putting my phone down, I have no idea how to respond. My coworkers gather around me, and I offer them some, knowing there will still be plenty for the kids. I try to keep the smile from my face, but with every bite it returns. I’m pretty sure fuck buddies don’t do this, but I’m too happy to care. He took the time to try and brighten my day a little, and all without needing to be asked. If I were looking for a boyfriend, he is showing me that he might be a good one.

When I get home, the feast that is baked goods and tacos has the kids jumping for joy. I picked up an extra shift to buy them takeout tomorrow, so it is a week of good eating. Jamal bites into a chocolate chip cookie, opting for dessert before he has dinner. As his older sister, I indulge his whims. As his parental figure, I make sure he eats at least one taco. Not that any of this is healthy.

“Thank you,” Imani says, as she curls into me on the couch.

“No need. This is a good day.” I wrap an arm around her shoulder, pulling her even more into me.

“Hey, do you mind babysitting tomorrow, during the day and at night?” I ask, the words hesitantly leaving my mouth.

As much as the burden of the kids is on me, it’s on her, too. With me working as much as I do, most of the days and nights fall on her to watch them. I remember being a teen just like her, and I was in the same position. Resentment burned in my chest, and I couldn’t wait to leave at eighteen. I wonder if she feels the same. Due to being seen as competition by my mum, I ended up being kicked out earlier. I need to do something for her that will make the focus be on her happiness a little bit.

“Sure.” She is always agreeable. “Did you pick up a catering shift?”

For the tenth time, I second-guess my decision. Could I really justify being this selfish?

“I have a date.” I look into her eyes to gauge her reaction, trying to see if she is upset. She sits up, her eyes brightening.

“This the same guy from a week ago?”

“Yes.”

“Show me a picture.”

I pull up his social media that I hunted down during a dull moment at work a few days ago, and go to my favorite picture. He is seated on a balcony with the Eiffel Tower in the background. His chest is bare, and he is staring off in the distance like it is a candid moment. The smile on his face is light and magnetic, instantly drawing you in.

“Jeez.” She pulls the phone closer to her face. “He is gorge.”

I nod my head as she hands it back to me.

“If you want me to cancel, I will. I was going to order takeout for you guys, and we can watch a movie together.” Barely able to afford the bills, the only thing I did splurge on is internet. Luckily, a friend taught me how to download stuff illegally.

“No, you should go. You need this.” Like the saint she is, she lets me have another night of indulgence. “Do you mind if I have someone over?” She presses her chin into her chest, her light cheeks turning pink.

“Who is this person?” I ask, my own face lighting up in excitement.

“Jeremy is a friend, for now.” She wiggles her eyebrows.

“For sure. Just make sure they are never alone with the kids.”

“Yeah, definitely.” She sweeps her hair behind her ear and goes to get a muffin.

I join them, and we feast like we can only do with things that are bound to expire. When we are all full and piled onto the sofa, my phone begins to ring. It’s from a number I don’t recognize, so it’s likely only one person. I excuse myself to the girls’ room and answer it.

“Who is this?” Closing the door, I block out the conversation in expectation of who is calling.

“Baby? Is that you?”

My eyes shut instantly in unease, as I recognize none other than my mother’s voice.

“What do you want?” My own lowers to a deep, cold tone deserving of this exchange.