Page 51 of The Cost of Love

“What? No. Why would you think that?”

“I think you should invite him.” Imani grins as she stirs the pot.

I shoot daggers at her, but she just shrugs, proud of herself. At a loss for words, the consequences of my actions have me by the tongue. I never should have let them meet. How am I supposed to explain to an eight-year-old that she will never see someone again? I haven’t entirely decided what I’m going to do about that situation, but there is a slim chance that he will be in my life in any capacity that involves him getting to know the kids. Hell, meeting them might have scared him off.

All the texts and check-ins could just be common courtesy, after all.

“He is busy tonight.”

“You didn’t even call him.” Proving to me that she is still my little sister, Imani is determined to make my life more difficult.

“Yeah, call him,” Gabby says, grabbing onto my arm.

“You know, I’m the only one who hasn’t met this man.” I turn to see Jamal leaning against the wall. “I gotta check him out. Make sure he is legit.”

Somehow, ordering food has turned into a nightmare situation of three against one. I look into each of their faces and see the same want reflected there. Despite everything that has happened, they still think I should make time for him.

“Look, guys, he isn’t going to be around long. There is no point for you to get to know him.”

This is the reality. Even if somehow he still wants to get involved with someone with three kids, how can I justify making a place for him in my life? The balancing act of two jobs and three little people all came tumbling down when I tried to add just sex.

Who knows what will happen if I try to make him a part of my life on a full-time basis? I can wait. After all, Imani leaves for university next year, and I won’t have anyone to help me. Gabby only has ten more years until she is gone. I’ll still be a young thirty-three when they are all out on their own.

“Why?” Imani asks.

“Why what?”

“Why isn’t he going to be around?” she elaborates.

“Well, because I don’t have time.”

Jamal tilts his head to the side like he is considering the thought, while Gabby walks away, having lost interest in the conversation. It is only Imani who looks like that idea makes absolutely no sense.

“You know I will watch them whenever, and you can always schedule dates for when we are asleep. There are ways around this.” She is more invested in me dating than I thought she would be, clearly ready to argue.

Jamal joins her side and chimes in with his own logic. “Look, we love that you took us in. We would literally be in Hell otherwise. You care about us, but we also care about you, and we want you to be happy,” he says.

“I’m happy.”

“Now that you have met him. You can’t deny that you have smiled more in these last two months than you did in the past year,” Imani says.

Feeling like she is on the brink of winning, she stands up and makes her way over to me. Grabbing my hands, she forces me to look at her.

“Take something for yourself.”

Overwhelmed from the swell of love at their display of selflessness, I can feel the tears coming. They show me once again that someone gives a fuck about me in this world. It only strengthens my resolve to do right by them. Still, I have to consider their reasoning. It may not result in the situation the kids want, but at the very least, I have to have a conversation with Alex. The least I owe him is an explanation.

“I’ll think about it. Now, can we order?”

Gabby says yes, happy that the conversation is over. I put in the overpriced food order and then settle onto the couch with the rest of them.

Chapter 21

Alex

The last time I felt my stomach flutter with nerves, I was preparing to move to another country. The idea of leaving behind the world I knew to venture into a life that had always seemed like a dream had me pressing a hand to my gut. It’s surreal that sitting in Chanice’s living room in the middle of the day would warrant the same response. I guess in a way, this is me considering entering into a life I never thought I would.

“So, you have siblings?” After explaining who the three kids—currently at school—are, she waited for me to take it in.