Page 96 of The Cost of Love

Now they are both crying, and I clench my hands trying to fight the urge to just give in. If I just backed down now, both of them would be happier. They would get what they want.

My anger starts to wane, my resolve folding with each tear-soaked second. That pressure is pushing me down again.

When I’m about to crumble under their needs, someone touches my shoulder.

Chanice steps in front of me, a smiling mirage in my emotional dessert. I let out the breath that was trapped in my chest and unclench my hands to grab onto hers.

“This is your fault,” my mother yells while pointing at Chanice.

“I hope so,” Chanice says while pulling me with her.

I fight it at first, this escape, this chance to walk away. Something feels so wrong about leaving them there to deal with it without me. But when I reach out a hand to Liv and she doesn’t take it, I know I have done everything I can.

“It’s okay,” Chanice whispers as she leads me back into the elevator.

“It doesn’t feel like it is.”

Pulling me into her arms, she rests her head on my chest.

“It will feel like it is one day, and you’ll be so happy for this moment.”

The doors shut on my sister and mother, and soon I can’t even hear them crying. Even as I battle with the guilt, a part of me feels relieved.

As soon as we are back in my place, the kids run up and hug me, surrounding me with their love. I hug them back and fight to keep the tears in.

This is what I needed. This is what’s good for me. I will give my mother up ten times over to make sure that I get to have this. I grasp them even tighter, so grateful that they are here.

I don’t know how long we stay that way, but when they do let go, they walk with me and sit close on the couch. Chanice has one hand, and Gabby has the other.

“Our mum sucks, too,” Jamal says, holding my hand. “But you have us now.”

They all join him in nodding, and I start to feel the tears well up inside me.

“Thank you,” I whisper, too overcome to speak louder.

“Who wants dessert?” Chanice asks, standing.

We all follow her, and that’s when I realize Mei and Theo aren’t here anymore. I let out a sigh, so tired for them and the battle they will have to fight to get my sister to walk away. I know I’ll help, but I will never stay there with her again. Not when I can be here with them.

I look at each of their faces, memorizing the details. Committing them and this moment to my memory. It’s the first day in my life where I get to choose, and I choose to be with people who choose me back. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

Chapter 37

Chanice

My hands tremble as I apply my lipstick. Each rocky breath causes me to shift, resulting in my smearing it a little. Even when I’m done, I can’t seem to get my hands to stop shaking as I try to count to ten and breathe through my nose. Nothing is working, because today is the day when everything might change, and I have no control over any of it.

I take in another gulp of air and press my palm to my chest. I need to get it together before I go into the living room and face the kids, but tears build in the corners of my eyes.

“It’s going to be okay,” I say to my reflection. It has to be. There is no other option, and I refuse to recognize any different outcome. We are going to walk into that court as a unit and come back out the same way. The world is not going to hand them any more shitty outcomes.

If there is a god or a universe that is looking down on us, it will finally let them have the life they deserve. Let me have the life that is my dream coming true. I have to believe that something is going to finally give us a break. That’s all I can think of as we quietly make our way to the courthouse.

Standing outside is Alex and our solicitor. His brows are knitted together, and his mouth is tight as he stares off. When he sees us, he tries for a smile, but it’s clear that it’s strained.

“Are we ready?” Dana, our solicitor, asks.

I reach out to grab the kid’s hands. We all link together, including Alex, becoming one force that hopefully can’t be torn apart.