Page 31 of A Straight Line

“Sure.”

“You’re upset now.”

“No,” He said, and his tone suggested he was being genuine. “Just trying to work on the ‘talking too much’ thing to prove to you that I can improve.”

I started to laugh, but then loud banging noises, almost like gunshots, sounded from outside. Denny and I both jumped, nearly coming out of our skin as our eyes grew wide. Racing for the door was obviously a shared plan because we both nearly collided as we ran for it, both grabbing for the knob at the same time. I yanked my hand away so that Denny could open it for us, then we both spilled out into the backyard.

What the fuck is going on?

Is everyone okay?

My mind was racing with macabre ideas of what could have possibly made the gunshot noises as we left the garage and shut the door behind us. As soon as we turned away from the garage, I looked out towards the Bluestone patio and the rest of the yard where the party attendees would be. Every color of the rainbow seemed to light up the sky around us. All of the party attendees had their backs to us, their heads raised skyward. Denny and I both looked up to see fireworks bursting in the sky above us. Ooooooh’s and aaaaaah’s and hoots emanated from everyone at the party as fireworks in every color of the rainbow exploded in the sky above us.

Denny nudged me, and I looked over to see him smiling brilliantly and gesturing up at the fireworks. I allowed myself to give him a smile back, then began scanning the crowd for my uncles. Just as I had expected, I found them both standing by their chairs in the semi-circle, their backs to me as they held hands and looked up at the sky. Felix was near them, so I gestured for Denny to follow me. The two of us made our way through the crowd, pushing past people as politely as possible, and finally made our way over to Harry and Vic.

As soon as I reached my uncles, and I laid a hand on Harry’s shoulder, he started as though he was about to come out of his skin. I had to hide a grin at startling him in such a way so easily. He turned to see who had grabbed him, and the smile on his face at seeing the fireworks grew even more. Harry held a finger up to me and reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone. The “pops” and “bangs” of the fireworks were too loud for him to explain what he wanted me to know, so he just woke his phone and held the screen up for me to read.

The top of the screen said: “Karen.” Which usually isn’t a great thing to see pop up in your text messages. It usually means the cops are going to be called. However, the message proved that this particular Karen was not typical.

Turn off the music and watch the sky. We have a gift from Bang Bang for you.

So, Bang Bang hadn’t arrived at the party yet because she was setting up a firework display for my uncles’ last hurrah for A Straight Line? That was nice, but it didn’t make a ton of sense. I couldn’t imagine that Bang Bang was off in the distance, giant blowtorch in hand, igniting each firework that was flying high into the sky and bursting in a rainbow of colors. Something else had to be going on with Bang Bang. Also, I kind of wanted to know who Karen was and how she knew my uncles and Bang Bang. When Harry saw the confused look on my face, he smiled.

“She’s a neighbor!” He managed to scream over the noise of the fireworks.

Then he went back to staring up at the sky and “ooooohing” and “aaaaaahing” with everyone else at the party. Uncle Vic glanced over his shoulder at me, the joy at what was transpiring above us etched on his face. When he saw my hand on Harry’s shoulder, the joy became palpable, and he reached over to put his hand over mine. The three of us stood there, Vic’s and my hand on Harry’s shoulder as we looked up at the queer magic flying through the sky.

I want to say that I felt my mood improve, that maybe I didn’t feel so glum as I had been for so long. Between the fireworks above us, the community gathering around my uncles in one of the most profound moments in their lives, my full belly, and the blowjobs Denny and I had exchanged, I should have been the happiest little gay man in the world. But I just wasn’t.

What was wrong with me that I couldn’t enjoy one really great evening in the history of my family?

Why couldn’t I focus on being happy for my uncles and the fact that they had led extraordinary lives that had obviously touched and meant so much to so many people in the community?

Why couldn’t I just enjoy a goddamn fireworks display?

As I stood there listening to every hoot and holler, inspired by the fireworks display, the faces of everyone lighting up in alternating red, blue, green, purple, white, yellow, orange, I tried to figure out what was wrong with me. Millions of people in the world had gone through what I’d gone through in the last few months of my life. A relationship broken beyond repair. A career that wasn’t exactly soaring towards the stratosphere. Deciding to move back home—even if it wasn’t technically with their parents—and trying to figure out what life meant if it wasn’t going the way they had expected.

A glance over at Felix let me know that he was having a special moment with Denny as well. Denny had draped his arm over Felix’s shoulder, hugging him to his side as they stared up at the sky above. Denny’s back was to me, so I let my eyes wander over his body, let my thoughts run wild. Maybe the garage incident doesn’t have to be the only thing we do. From what I could make out in the flashing lights, there were other enjoyable things Denny’s body might be able to offer. Which was stupid to think. He was a virtual stranger, and I was just a big sourpuss. Why would I bother with Denny further if I wasn’t sure that I was in the right frame of mind to start something new?

Doesn’t a guy need more than a few months out of a long-term relationship before he tries to start a new one?

Harry and Vic had gotten a sign that they meant something—to each other, their friends, their family, the community. They had over a hundred people at a party in their backyard simply because they were selling their bar. They had food and drinks and dancing and laughter and stories about all of the good times had over the decades. They had a freaking surprise firework display arranged by their best friend…just because.

I desperately needed someone to give me a sign.

To give me a reason to move forward with my life now that I had Harry and Vic to lean on for support while I did so.

I needed…

Which hand was I supposed to wash?

I looked at the hand on Harry’s shoulder—the one Vic’s hand was draped over—as my mind raced. Then I remembered it was my other hand.

Thank God.