Page 21 of Talk to Me

With the banal topic of why we were attending college discussed, we fell into a silence once again. Ideas of how to keep a conversation going raced through my head. However, the least awkward topic—whether or not Theo had done his American Lit reading—wasn’t exactly a barn burner. After asking Theo about his major, another question about his studies would really make Theo think I was boring.

Of course, he wasn’t offering up any suggestions for conversation. I wanted to be offended that the onus was placed on me to keep things open and lively. However, it occurred to me that Theo was probably standoffish and guarded because of how people had been treating him on campus. Opening up to a stranger he’d basically just officially met was probably difficult. He had no reason to truly believe I was going to turn out nicer than the other students on campus who had treated him poorly for no solid reason.

By the time I had decided that asking if he had any streaming suggestions was a good idea, we were walking up to the front doors of the towering dorms building. When we got to the covered entryway, and were standing under its shade, we turned to each other. Theo gave me a polite smile and I returned it, wondering what else could be said.

“Well,” I said, “thanks for the company on the trip.”

“Same to you,” Theo said.

I was about to do something geeky, like shake his hand again, or tip my imaginary hat, but he spoke up, stopping me from embarrassing myself.

“If you want to,” Theo said, chewing at the corner of his lip, “study together or something? American Literature and all? I’m in five-twelve.”

“Four twenty-eight,” I responded immediately. “And sure. I think American Lit’s going to be a breeze. But we can also crack open the Econ of Info textbook.”

Theo groaned. “Ugh. That’s going to be the bane of my existence. You’re in that class?”

“Yeah,” I laughed as two students pushed through the front doors to the outside. “I’ve been sitting a few rows behind you. Next class, if you look up and to your right behind you—"

“Dick!”

Theo and I both jumped as one of the two guys walking past us barked the word. Both of the dudes, backpacks slung over their shoulders, laughed as they continued to walk away. I turned my head, frowning at them as they strolled away as if they hadn’t been incredibly rude. I was tempted to bark something equally rude back at them, but I wasn’t sure what was appropriate. Some people don’t like to be defended—it only makes things more embarrassing.

When I turned my head back to Theo, his cheeks were red and he was looking anywhere but at me. I started to say something, or finish what I’d been saying, but he cut me off.

“Anyway,” Theo said, “uh, thanks for the walk.”

He turned to walk away, turned back as if unsure, then spoke one last time.

“Yeah,” he said, waving a hand at me. “Thanks.”

Then he pushed through the glass doors into the dorm building. I watched from outside as he half-jogged across the lobby. He didn’t even use the elevator. He went straight to the stairwell, flung the door open, and disappeared.

Spending precious studying time playing on my phone was atypical for me. All weekend I found my thoughts drawn to Peepers and Theo. It wasn’t just the app and Theo in particular, though. From what Collin had told me, I had deduced that everyone on campus was being rude to Theo because he had cheated on his boyfriend. They were the Peepers Power Couple, and doing such a thing to another beloved character on the app was, apparently, an egregious sin.

I’d never spent much time thinking about one partner cheating on another. The fact that I’d never really had a real boyfriend was likely the reason. I’d dated and hung out with guys—and I hadn’t held onto my virginity as if it was some sacred thing—but I’d never had a real relationship for a length of time where cheating would be an issue. So, I wasn’t sure how I felt about Theo cheating on his ex-boyfriend. Whether or not it was an unforgivable sin was something I couldn’t even wrap my mind around. People make mistakes. Then again, I’d never been cheated on, either. It was a difficult topic for my brain to toss around.

Another thing I couldn’t quite understand was getting so invested in an app and the virtual strangers who posted videos to it. Videos curated by creators to give users a false view of a person’s life was no basis for judging whether or not you truly knew someone’s personality, morals, values, or likeability. To me, the silly videos on Peepers didn’t tell me anything about the person who made them. They were entertainment, pure and simple—not things to create attachments to people you were likely to never meet.

Watching dozens—or even hundreds—of videos of a couple curating their relationship moments didn’t seem likely to give an accurate and clear picture of what their relationship was really like. Judging either person in the relationship when it ended, based on what a person had merely viewed online, seemed psychotic to me. At best, misguided. It all seemed like a projection of one’s feelings about their own life and relationships onto the people they were idolizing.

To then hold those misguided feelings so sacred that you would want to scream insults at a stranger in public was astonishing. One time, at the grocery store, a woman had run over my foot with a shopping cart and hadn’t even said “sorry” afterward. I’d actually excused myself, as though it were my fault. If there had ever been a time to scream “Dick!” at a stranger, it would have been then. So, I couldn’t imagine screaming at someone I didn’t know, and had never had any interactions with, simply because I’d heard a rumor.

As my mind remembered the woman and the shopping cart, I realized I probably should have said something. Then again, you can’t shame the shameless.

Which made me consider Theo’s situation even more. It was obvious that the shouts, insults, whispers, and giggles affected him. Whatever had actually happened with his ex-boyfriend and their Peepers account, he felt guilty. That told me that he wasn’t a shameless jerk who expected people to simply ignore any bad behaviors because he was internet famous.

I scrolled through his Peepers from beginning to end. Hundreds of videos were consumed from Friday evening until Sunday afternoon between my study and food breaks. It began with his first videos, those he’d made with his ex—whose name, I was reminded, was Ben. The account they’d shared, Two Gays from Blaze, was no longer active, but, fortunately, they’d both posted videos to their individual accounts during their time together, too.

Over hours of Peepers playtime, I saw their relationship begin, bloom, slowly seem to become forced, and then end. I noticed three months lapsed between Theo’s last video with Ben until he started posting again. He never made mention of the split, he never offered excuses or apologies, he simply stopped posting for a few months, then returned and carried on with business.

Odd.

His videos as a single guy were as charming and fun as those with Ben, but got noticeably less views. The comments sections got a lot more hostile, as well. His longtime supporters were divided. Some left uplifting comments, some left positive remarks about the content of the videos, some were neutral, and others were outright vitriolic. Blame for the demise of his relationship seemed to be thrown directly on Theo, and Theo alone.

Out of curiosity, I visited Ben’s Peepers account to check out how he was doing without Theo to make content. His views were often ten times more than Theo’s, his comments sections were full of support and love, though comments about supporters’ sadness for the relationship ending popped up occasionally. I stayed on Ben’s account long enough to find out that he had made a handful of videos after the relationship ending, addressing the breakup, and vaguely hinting that Theo was unfaithful and completely to blame.

By Sunday morning, I’d consumed every single second of Peepers content Theo had made, and quite a bit of Ben’s as well. In the end, I realized I’d gained nothing from the experience. Of course, Theo had several dancing and “Get Ready with Me” videos that had made me laugh out loud a few times. His videos with animals were adorable. However, I found I was no more invested in his relationship with Ben than I had been before.