Page 11 of Kickoff

“Trouble in paradise?” Paige asked with a knowing smile.

“Well, I may or may not have deserved her anger this morning. I dropped her ass...for good this time. She was getting clingy.”

“Man, you gotta stop doing that.” Craig ran a hand through his hair. “For some reason, girls like you even though they know you don’t date them, and you take nothing seriously. Don’t bring girls home if you are going to kick them to the curb the next morning. If you invite them here and let them spend the night, they’ll expect more from you. Think about it.”

Between us, my older brother was the more responsible one. The rule follower. Perhaps it was the fact he was older, or he had inherited more genes from our mother that made him super serious and shit—the opposite of what people expected from me. Cracking jokes—even when I’d prefer to cry—take nothing seriously, and act like I was over everyone and everything had become my way of doing things. All. The. Freaking. Time. Over the years, I had gotten good at hiding my feelings from the rest of the world and just plastered a fake smile on my face.

“And, Mase, messing around with Lydia Santos is asking for trouble. The last thing the team needs is to have David Copperman and Jayden Clarke on their backs off the field. The rivalry is fun during football season, but those two will go crazy if they learn you’ve been hooking up all summer with their QB’s girl. Everyone knows Copperman has a soft spot for this girl. Even if they’re toxic together. And the fact that she’s Clarke’s cousin complicates things. He’s super protective of her. I heard his dad tried to get her transferred to Cowley High, but the school board refused. Take your player-ways elsewhere. Far from the team. It’s our last year, and we should make the most of it instead of messing it all up for a girl who, by the way, is using you to make her boyfriend jealous. This shit will come to bite you in the ass eventually. Take my word for it.”

“It won’t happen. As I said, we’re over.”

“This isn’t like you. Acting like a dumbass. I don’t know why you keep up with the charade. Aren’t you tired that people think you are all looks and no brain? You’re worth much more than who you pretend to be. Since what happened three months ago, you’re even more reckless than usual.”

I made a cutthroat gesture. We had agreed we wouldn’t talk about what happened at the beginning of the summer. It was between my brother, my teammates who were present, and me. Nobody else had to know. No need to alert anyone and make the coaching staff or scouts worry about my ability to throw a ball.

Paige’s attention drifted to us. “What happened three months ago?”

“Relax, bro. It’s no big deal. It’s just a character I’m playing. People enjoy this version of me. And it makes me popular with the ladies.” I could be convincing when I needed to be. I addressed Paige. “By the way, nothing happened. It’s just Craig messing with me. Sibling rivalry and shit.”

She sighed. “Sounds dumb.”

“It is, babe.”

Craig shook his head. “Whatever. I think it’s stupid. One day, you’ll realize you were an idiot to give high school kids so much power over you. Hiding behind that identity isn’t smart. I love you too much to let it ruin the person you truly are.”

Or maybe I wasn’t as convincing as I thought I was.

His words stung. Craig had no idea about the thoughts invading my brain. He had no clue I was scared shitless that my reckless jump had impacted my dreams. He also wasn’t aware that I was trying my best to protect my heart from getting hurt. My outgoing persona was a shield. Because I feared rejection. As long as I didn’t put my heart on the line and didn’t give a damn, it was safe from getting broken, right?

Sometimes, I still thought about the night my neighbor told me boys were trouble. I was just an innocent kid with big ambitions and a soft heart back then, but her words had stayed with me all this time. And some days, I wondered if she could tell at the time how I’d turn out. If she knew I’d become trouble for real.

These days, despite the fact I joked around, a big part of me was still that child, scared his dreams wouldn’t come true. Rejected for the first time. See, my behavior was a defense mechanism. I didn’t need a shrink to explain it to me. I was well-aware. Didn’t mean I knew how to break the cycle, though. And the persona my friends thrust on me. I pushed the thought away, not wanting to dwell on the past and not ready to obsess over things I couldn’t control.

“I’m sixteen. Nobody should take anything I do or say too seriously.” My argument was pathetic. Even I could recognize that much.

“You’re about to turn seventeen. In a year, you’ll be an adult. And Paige and I, we were already together at sixteen. Your age shouldn’t be an excuse for using your dick more than your brain. It’s pretty lame.”

Paige nodded. “True.”

“Don’t be on his side, babe. I need you on my team here.”

“Sorry, Mase, but you brought this upon yourself.” She huffed a breath. “You make questionable choices sometimes. And they come with consequences.” Like I didn’t know.

I sighed. I didn’t plan on being on the hot seat this early on a Saturday morning. I addressed my brother. “Maybe you inherited all the mature genes, and I got the player ones because there were none of the good ones left for me.” My attempt at a joke fell flat, but I would say anything to get out of this lecture.

“Mase, one day, you’ll find a girl made just for you. And you’ll stop pretending you don’t care about anyone else but you.” Paige squeezed my forearm. I really liked her. She always possessed the right words to ease the storm unleashing inside me. “You are one of the good ones. I just wish you would start giving yourself the credit you deserve. The real you is more than enough. You are genuinely a nice guy. Never doubt it, okay? And stop pretending otherwise.”

I nodded. Yeah, Paige was a sweetheart, and nobody could argue that fact.

She and Craig had been dating for almost two years now. A lifetime in teen years. The three of us were about to be seniors at Elk River High, Michigan. Through the years, Paige had become a sister to me, and my favorite pastime was to rile my brother about her. They were disgustingly in love and spent all their time together. Too often, I ended up being the third wheel in their relationship. A position I despised despite the fact I liked their company too much to walk away.

Craig and I were both star football players for the Elk River High Bears. He was the wide receiver, and I was the quarterback. On the field, we were a force to be reckoned with. I had no idea if it was our shared DNA or just good chemistry, but we were unstoppable when we played together. In addition to our close relationship on and off the field, my brother and I hung out with the same crowd. Most of my friends were his friends too.

The sweet aroma of freshly baked cupcakes hit my nostrils. I pointed to the oven with my thumb. “Babe, did you make those?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation far away from my life and my screwups.

Paige was an excellent baker. I had no idea why she didn’t wanna pursue it as a career after high school, but she said it was a hobby for her, nothing more.

“Yeah. Thought you guys might like some to jumpstart your day. You’ve been training like crazy for the last couple of weeks. You deserve a treat.”