Page 46 of Thaw My Heart

And that’s when I’m at a loss for words, because as much as I hate it, there is something about Sadie. Something that stirs inside me whenever she’s around. I’d love to say that it’s only burning hatred, but I don’t hate her. I don’t even know if I truly like her, but there is something… fuck, why is there something? My life was just fine before she came along.

“I know the feeling, too,” Ryker admits with a sad look. “My timing with Averie is off… but I’m hoping I get the chance again someday. And when I do, I won’t blow it. But you?” He pauses, taking me in. “You’re blowing it every day you make her think you don’t care for her.”

I roll my tongue, letting out a deep sigh. “You’re far off the mark.”

“Am I?” He challenges.

My mouth opens, but the words don’t come out. I want to tell him that he’s wrong, that I don’t care about Sadie, but that would be another lie, and lying is starting to weigh heavily on my heart. Truthfully, I would’ve been devastated if she’d drowned in the river. Had I not found her in time… and I’m terrified of that feeling alone.

Of wanting something I don’t know how to have.

His eyes soften. “I just wish you could stop blaming yourself for the past. She’s not Dakota, man.”

Anger builds in my core. First Alaska, and now Ryker… everyone’s need to remind me of my past grief is pissing me off. “I need to go.” I step to stalk away, but he wraps his arm around my shoulders, stopping my retreat.

“Look,” he turns me towards the mountains, gesturing to the tall pines on the other side of the lake. “You see… you’re like a pine tree.”

“I’m a pine tree?” I almost laugh. Is he high?

“Just shut up and let me finish,” he says, squeezing my shoulder.

I keep quiet, biting my tongue.

“You’re prickly at first, but softer with the right touch.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re strong,” he continues, unfazed by my scowl. “Steady. Not easily bendable in a storm. Now, Alaska… she’s like a river. Steady. Calm. Clear most days unless there’s a storm overhead.”

I’m not sure where he’s going with this, but I’m slightly curious about what he’s trying to say.

“But Sadie,” he smiles with a pause. “Well, let’s just say she’s not a river.”

Steady. Calm. Nope, definitely not Sadie. She’s fire in a windstorm.

“Do you have a point to all this?” I ask.

“What does the pine tree need the most?” he asks me.

I stare at him blankly. “Water.”

“And?” he pushes.

“And this is the worst conversation we’ve ever had,” I glare. “And probably the weirdest.” Even for him.

He laughs. “Just something to think about.” He slaps my arm and grabs his fishing pole. Sitting back down on the deck.

“Something to think about,” I mutter under my breath, heading towards my truck.

I have enough to think about.

I’m a few minutes late for my meeting with Cole as I sit on the leather sofa in his office. Bandit curls up next to me on the floor. It’s been a while since I’ve been in this room—a room that I helped renovate two years ago. A part of my healing process, or so my uncle encouraged me. But sitting here now only reminds me of the past. Of the man I used to be. The builder. The dreamer.

A man I wish didn’t exist.

Damn, maybe I am depressed. How long have I felt this way?

My uncle enters, wearing a blue jean shirt, a cowboy hat, and dark jeans. He briefly greets Bandit and me and then sits on the leather sofa. Pouring two mugs of hot coffee from the driftwood table. He grabs one of the mugs, sits back, and stares at me in silence, with a thoughtful look in his eyes. Eyes that look dark and hollow.