Page 99 of Thaw My Heart

His footsteps stop, but I keep going, creating the distance that I need from him.

“I heard you on the phone, talking to another guy.” I stop, realization hitting me like a freight train. “With some guy you called Jax. I—” his throat bobs as I turn around, facing him. “I’m just confused.” Everything about his posture is worn down, just as worn as his leather boots.

“You think I’m entertaining other guys?” I could laugh at how ridiculous this sounds.

He kicks up gravel under his boots. “Shit, I don’t know. Yes. Maybe. I mean, what else was I supposed to think?”

Tremors of my past relationship roll through me. The distrust. The blame for things I never did.

The punishments…

“You could trust me.” I close the space, feeling my pulse burn beneath my skin. “You could ask me who I was talking to.” An edge creeps into my voice. “You could do everything but just assume!” My fists curl into a ball as I scream at him.

He removes his ballcap, running a frustrated hand through his dark hair. “I know, I want to. Look, I’m sorry but… how can I trust you to be honest with me? You won’t even tell me why I can’t touch your back.”

His words sting. For so many reasons, telling him about my back wasn’t a trust thing—it was for my own mental health. To keep the bad memories buried in the past so I could move on.

So I could become more than just my scars.

“That’s not fair,” the words come out of me, shaking as tears start to fall. I wipe away the stray tears, stepping forward. “I was talking to my older brother earlier. His name is Jaxson.”

His eyes fill with regret, “Your brother…” His shoulders sag as he stands there, filling in the missing pieces.

“Meanwhile, you made me feel like you were ashamed of me. Like you were using me for a weekend getaway.” Like I’m the whore my ex always said I was.

Guess he was right.

He blinks, looking like I’ve physically struck him. “Sadie, that was not my intention⁠—”

“Save it. It doesn’t matter.” I storm off, arms tucked in tight as the sun falls behind the mountains.

I’m shivering to the bone by the time I make it through the front door with frozen tears stuck to my cheeks. Hands shaking as I gather up my things lying around his house, shoving them into my suitcase as fast as possible.

Kit’s truck pulls up a minute later, car lights flashing through the window.

He enters the bedroom, leaning in the doorway while I struggle with the suitcase zipper, watching me intently for what feels like minutes before he decides to speak.

“It matters,” he murmurs, but I ignore him. “Everything regarding you matters to me, Sadie. It always has,” his deep voice cracks.

One side finally zips, but the other refuses to move. It also doesn’t help that my fingers are frozen.

“You’re right,” he continues with a softness to his voice. “I should’ve asked. I never should’ve assumed, and that’s on me. But when I heard you say another man’s name, I went to a dark place, and I’m sorry.”

I pull out a sweatshirt that won’t fit, pulling on the stuck zipper once more. Fuck this suitcase.

“My ex… Dakota… Well, she cheated on me… a lot. More times than I can count.”

My hands slow, and the suitcase finally zips.

“I thought if I kept showing up… kept loving her harder, she’d choose me. Eventually. That maybe one day she’d realize I was enough. That I could be enough.”

But no matter how much you love something, you can’t make it love you back in the way you deserve.

A feeling I know too well.

My chest feels tight as I drop to the edge of his bed, finally looking at him for the first time since he walked into the room. His blue eyes are so bright, with red around the rims, like he’s been crying. His broad shoulders sagging, using the doorframe for balance. Every part of me wants to wrap my arms around him, comfort him. But I feel frozen with the grief of his words.

“I would have left her. So many times. But she had a daughter named June. She was only a year old when I met her, and after seven years, she was basically mine. I was all she knew. She called me daddy, and… and all I wanted was to be that for her. To give her the family that she needed. So, I kept showing up. No matter how much it hurt me. I didn’t know how to leave her.”