Page 82 of Ash Fall

The convoy back out to the mine looks like a parade on the way to an RV show. Seven trucks running in a line with an assortment of shiny new trailers. We went with bigger units for more comfort to live in and some of the trucks are punching above their weight class, so we take it slow and easy on the way back to the mine. Having a wreck is not something there’s time to deal with right now.

The bay doors are rolled all the way up when we come in off the service road, light spilling out across the apron.

They've been busy here. There are spaces marked out for parking the RV’s and I can see Kara working her way through the stack of supplies making lists and writing numbers on boxes.

Luna comes out of the visitor center doors before I have the parking brake set.

She's got her sleeves pushed up and dust on one cheek, and she stops about six feet from my door with her hands twisting together in front of her.

"Gage, can I talk to you?"

"Can't right now." I don't shut the truck off. I go straight past her to the hitch and start cranking the jack down, because if I stand still I'm going to say something I can't take back. "Second run's waiting. We've got maybe ninety minutes before it's black out here."

"I know. I just wanted to say..."

"I have to go, Luna."

The crank handle goes around four more times before I hear her walk away. That's when it hits me properly. I have never brushed that girl off, not once.

I stand there with my hand on a cold piece of steel and hate myself for about ten seconds before I get in the truck and head back towards town.

I’m backed up to my second RV of the night when Reid finds me.

"Hey." He pulls his hands out of his pockets, then puts them back. "You want me to ride back with you? Two sets of eyes on that mirror isn't the worst idea."

"No." It’s short and curt.

He goes still. I can feel him standing there trying to work out what he did wrong. The worst part is that he honestly doesn't know. I’ve always looked out for him and made sure he’s comfortable. Maybe not like the way Jules does but still.

"Okay," he says quietly and walks back over to Stu’s truck while I pretend my full concentration is on getting my trailer hooked up.

I wait until everyone else has left for the trip back before I pull out of the lot and stay far enough back to feel like I’m on my own with my thoughts.

Jules told me. On the deck during the BBQ party, he looked me dead in the face and told me to get on board or miss the train. Then the smug son of a bitch made a train noise at me. That night, I looked up what he meant on my phone and decided it was a fantasy women write books about. Real people don't do that. That was the whole decision I made sitting on my bed at midnight, and then I went back to waiting for the right time with her.

Every one of them has kissed her. Jules did, Reid did, Torrin did, even Mars.

I'm the only one who never has. I’ve spent more time than I can count thinking about it, but that’s it. While I was thinking about it everybody else stopped waiting.

The crews that went to hit all the stores must have just gotten back because when I pull onto the apron the bay is full of people unloading and hauling supplies. I see some of the bus people grab bedframes and start heading toward the offices, followed by a couple of other guys carrying a mattress. Milton and Elenor are directing traffic, pointing out which way to go as people walk by with boxes or bags.

Torrin spots me when I get out of the truck and makes his way over. "You look like someone just pissed in your cereal bowl. What’s eating you?"

"I’m fine."

He doesn't let go. His eyes go over my face slow and patient, and whatever he finds there makes his jaw shift.

"That’s a load of shit, Gage."

"I said I'm fine."

I pull my arm back and keep walking, and I feel him watching me the whole way to the doors.

The last thing I want to do right now is talk. What I want right now is to claim one of those trailers or find and an office where someone has dropped off a mattress with a blanket and a pillow and go pass out for about ten hours. By myself.

Gramps finds me though before I can make it inside.

"You ain’t done yet, son." He's got a can of sealant and a headlamp in his hand. "The poly sheeting is here to put over the end of the livestock shelter. You, Mars and Jules are with me. I figure Jules and Mars can blow on it with their air shadows or whatever to get in place and then you can seal up the edges. I’ll grab some of the furnace filters to plug the ventilation holes. We need to get that livestock pen covered over before anybody sleeps in case the ash shows up overnight."