Page 27 of The Intimacy of Finding You

He shook his head, staring at my hand like it’d burn him if I moved any closer to him. “It’s just a little cold. I’ll survive.”

I looked around for dramatic effect, straining my neck to look down each end of the alleyway. “Where? Here? Tobi, there’s no shelter here. I’ll end up finding you dead and frozen on the ground. Do you have motel money or something?”

I watched his shoulders rise and fall as he silently laughed while swallowing some soup. “No. I ain’t got no money to speak of. Wasted it all on gettin’ wasted.”

“Then take the shirt and coat.” I leaned forward slowly, showing him what I was doing so he wouldn’t get frightened, and placed them over his outstretched legs. “Is that why you haven’t gone back to Jack’s bar?”

“What?”

“You not having money.”

“Oh.” He leaned his head back, pouring the rest of the soup down into his mouth, scraping the bowl with the spoon. “That’s only part of it. I’ve overstayed my welcome there.”

“What do you mean?”

He held the bowl out to me, waiting for me to take it before sighing. “You know what I mean. He didn’t really get the best first impression of me. Or second impression. Or third. Actually, none of his impressions of me are that great. Why would I bother him by comin’ into his bar and continuing to spend all day in there?”

“You know he wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t got no money to spend there, so I might as well not spend his time.”

“He knows you, Tobi. He knows how much you mean to me, too. You don’t need to be a paying customer to warm up there. He won’t kick you out.”

The coat ruffled as he picked it up, running his hands down the fabric. “He’s tried before.”

He wasn’t wrong, but he wasn’t completely right. “He was just worried about your safety. He knew that second bottle wasn’t a good idea.”

“Whatever.” He pulled his arm up to his mouth, coughing into the bend of his elbow. After a second of looking at the coat in his hands, he leaned forward and pushed his arms into it. “This is nice. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Don’t do it again.”

Should’ve seen that coming. “Noted.”

“Oh, and, um…” He cleared his throat, turning his head away from me. What was he looking at that was easier to see than me? Were the rocks showing him something I couldn’t see? “Thanks for meeting me where I’m at.”

I nodded, not sure what else to do. I was trying. I was doing my best, even though it was tearing me apart from the inside out, not being able to help him. But helping him would be to force him into something he didn’t want—recovery. Sobriety.

In my life again.

“Yeah, of course. You were right. It just took me a minute to get that.”

“Well, I appreciate the effort.” He started to push off the ground to stand.

I stumbled over my words for a second, reaching out to him before realizing I shouldn’t. Pulling my hand back, I shook my head. “Sorry. Um, I just have two questions.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “What are they?”

“Will you tell me when you’re ready? I promise to try not to rush you, and I promise to keep trying to meet you where you’re at. You can always tell me to stop or that I’m going too fast if I am, but.” I sighed, shaking my head. “Will you just let me know when?”

“If, Callum. If.”

I blinked a few times, not sure if I was willing to take that part to heart. “Okay. Will you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I will. Next question?”

“Right. Um,” I stood up with him, grabbing the plastic bag with his trash. “Will you go to Jack’s? Stick around for a while? He cares about you, and he won’t mind if you don’t buy anything.”