Page 28 of The Intimacy of Finding You

“If you don’t think he hates me, then I’ll try. I won’t say that I’ll stay long.”

“That’s fine.”

He narrowed his eyes at me as he swung his backpack over his shoulder. “You just want to know where I am, don’t you?”

Yes. “No.”

He laughed and shook his head, starting to walk away. “You’re lyin’ through your teeth. But I get it. I’ll go pay him a visit.”

“Thanks!” I called down the alleyway, watching him walk away.

It hurt to watch him from his back, getting further and further away from me.

Don’t turn your back on me, Tobes. Please. Turn around. Come back. Stop leaving me. Stop leaving me. Stop leaving me. Stop leaving m-

Jack answered the phone within two rings. “Hello?”

I looked both ways before running across the crosswalk. “Hey, man. I think Tobi is going to your bar. He thinks he’s overstayed his welcome and has left a bad impression.”

“No. He’s always welcome here. I’ll try to make sure he knows that, though.” He paused for a second, and I could hear glasses clattering in the background. “Hey, I offered to let him stay in the back once. I’ve got that room with the cot back there. You know how Mav’s house gets, so I keep it clean just in case. But Tobi absolutely refused. Do you think it’d make things worse if I said something again?”

I stopped just before the front door to Fire and Ice. “Uh, I don’t know. I pushed him a bit today already. He sounds like he has a cold, though, and the temps are about to drop a ton. I’d say tread carefully and bring it up again before Christmas Eve. That’s when it’s supposed to get pretty rough.”

“Got it. I’ll keep that in mind. Do you know where he’s been getting his booze from? Has he been going to another bar?”

“I don’t know. He said he doesn’t have any money.”

“People get creative when they don’t have money, though. I wonder if he’s trading with people to get some on the streets.”

“Probably.” The idea made me anxious, though. “Do you think they’d, like, put something in it if he was?”

“Some might. It’s always possible. So let’s just hope he isn’t getting it from shady people, if that’s what he’s doing.”

Just another thing to worry about. Fuck. “Okay. Thanks, Jack. I really appreciate you. I’ll come by and see you sometime.”

“Not today?”

“No, I’ve got something to finish up at home.”

“Alright. Just let me know.”

I hung up and pocketed my phone, reaching out for the restaurant’s door handle. It was cold to the touch, much like the rest of the world right now. Once I went in, I’d be warm. Hot, even. It stung to know that I’d get to sweat when Tobi had been freezing his ass off in that thin jacket of his this whole time.

But I had to meet him where he was. I had to accept him. All of him. Or I’d lose him for good, and I just couldn’t let that happen.

My shed was a fucking wreck. I stared at the wood stain on the table, trying to remember whether it was the right shade. They were different brands with different names, but the color looked similar at least. All the wood was cut and ready to assemble—I just had to make it match the other rocking chair.

After assembly, I could start adding the final details, and I’d be done. It’d taken me a surprisingly long time to get even the first one done, so I was thankful this one wasn’t taking me as long. Maybe if I was lucky, I’d actually be able to get it to Papa before the New Year. It was supposed to be a Christmas present, but we’d gone far past that point.

Deciding the stain would have to do, I dipped the brush in and started going over the first bar of wood, making sure to follow the grain.

Pops had been talking about getting some new rocking chairs so he and I could sit out on his porch together and enjoy the early mornings. It was something we used to do when I was a kid. Every morning was a brand-new day, and we swore never to waste it. We’d usually sit in silence, just enjoying each other’s presence and soaking it all in.

The first time we sat on the porch together in our old, creaky rocking chairs was the day after he’d gained full custody of me. It was the morning after my first full night at his house, and I still couldn’t understand why my parents had hated me so much that they’d given up on taking care of me.

We hadn’t said anything to each other. I hadn’t asked any questions, despite having a million of them in my mind. We’d just sat and watched the sky turn colors and the clouds take over for a new, gorgeous day.

Our old rocking chairs had officially bitten the dust when I was nineteen. It’d been a long time coming to get us new ones, but Pops always complained about the ones he’d looked at not being good enough. He’d built our old ones for himself and Grammy years and years ago. I’d always sat in Grammy’s chair. It used to have a dip where she’d sat, and I always thought that was my way of still being close to her, even though she was gone.