Page 45 of The Intimacy of Finding You

He leaned back, pulling the messy blankets out from under him as he settled on the right side of the bed. That used to be his side when we slept together. I pulled the blankets up to his chin, tucking in the sides all around him. There were still some tears waiting in his eyes, but they hadn’t fallen yet. They glistened in the moonlight, and I wanted to swim in them.

When I pulled away, he pulled his arm out from under the blankets to grab my wrist. “Wait.” He swallowed a few times, letting one of the waiting tears fall. “Will you sing me a lullaby?”

I kneeled on the ground beside him. “Of course. Which one?”

“Did your mom ever sing any to you?”

I smiled, thinking back to when I was too young to know my life had already been ruined. I remembered Mom’s voice like it was yesterday. “Yeah, she did.”

“Sing your favorite.”

Tucking his arm back under the blankets, I started to pet his hair and sing to him in a quiet, gentle voice. “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

His eyes closed, and his lips relaxed as he listened to me. “The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms. But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken, and I hung my head and cried.”

I didn’t get any past that before he was asleep. He looked so peaceful. Like the weight of the world had finally fallen, and he, too, felt weightless.

I stood up from the floor and took one last look at him. I couldn’t help it. I leaned down, pressing my lips to his forehead, and whispered. “I love you, Callum. I’ll make sure to tell you that when you’re awake, and I’ve earned your love back. I promise.”

I grabbed his phone from the nightstand. There were dozens of notifications he’d been ignoring since yesterday. I swiped up and stared at the code, wondering if it’d be the same. I tried it anyway, typing in zero four zero two, and watched as it unlocked to the home page.

My birthday.

Stepping out into the hallway, I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the cold hardwood floor. Fishy seemed to come out of nowhere, barreling toward me to sit in my lap. “Hi, buddy. I see you.” I petted his ears as I dialed out to the only other person I truly trusted.

He sounded sleepy as he answered, his voice deep and confused. “Callum? You okay?”

It took a second for my throat to work. My tongue hadn’t fully dried up and cracked yet, but it was close. “Crew, it’s Tobi.”

Silence. Complete silence.

“Crew?”

“Holy fuck.”

Yeah, I was expecting that. “I know. It’s a bit of a shock, huh?”

“Kind of like talking to a ghost, honestly. Um, what’s going on? Is everything okay?”

“No. No, everything is not okay.” I sighed, leaning my head against the wall behind me. “I know I have no room to ask this, but I need a favor. It’s for Callum.”

There was some shuffling and a voice in the background. It sounded like Price had woken up, too. “What is it?”

“Callum ain’t doin’ good. At all. He needs someone here. I don’t think he’s eaten or really done much of anythin’ except sleep and take care of Fishy. I don’t think he’s even told Jack what’s happened, either. I want to be here myself, but I need to detox. In a hospital.”

“Holy fuck. Holy fucking shit.”

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re gonna get sober?”

I closed my eyes, feeling the burn behind my eyelids. “Yeah, C, I’m gonna get sober. I’m gonna get sober, I’m gonna come back, and I’m gonna take care of Callum until he doesn’t need to be taken care of anymore, and then I’m gonna love him. I’m gonna love him until he says he don’t love me anymore.”

There was sniffling on his end now. “He won’t say he doesn’t love you. He’s loved you all this time, and he’s gonna keep loving you. Go get sober, Tobi. I’ll take it from here.”

This was it. This was my moment. My moment to stop being selfish and to face the cycle I’d been stuck in head-on. No more numbing. No more fucking around. “How fast can you get here?”

“Uh, like twenty minutes. Do you want Price to take you to the hospital?”