Page 118 of Let’s Be Real

He didn’t have to say anything else. We all got it. Ben would be sad he didn’t get to say goodbye. We’d all be sad. But at least we knew Nate was safe. He was going to get the help we couldn’t give him.

Roman drove to my house, and Adrian got out with me. It went without saying neither of us wanted to be alone.

Inside, I stood in the living room, unsure what to do with myself. Adrian took over, nudging me onto the couch. He flopped down beside me and turned on the TV with a great sigh, flipping to a horror movie we’d watched a dozen times.

A comfort film.

Neither of us watched, but we needed the familiarity.

“I don’t know what to do, buddy,” I said.

“Me either.” His head lolled in my direction. “The worst part is, I’m not sure there’s anything we can do. Not right now.”

“I just want him to be okay.”

“He will be.” He sounded so sure. “He was okay for a long time. This is a setback.”

I shook my head. “If I hadn’t come tonight…”

“But you did. Let’s not go there.” His eyes flicked over me. “I need to say this, though.”

My breath caught. “Do you really?”

“I really think I do.” His brows dipped together, and I braced myself for what was about to come out of his mouth. “This is the worst of Nate. You’ve seen it. Now is the time to bow out if you’re going to. I—I won’t be mad at you.”

I sputtered. “I don’t believe that for a second.”

“Okay, I’ll be mad, but I won’t hold it against you forever.” He exhaled, his gaze pinned to mine. “He’s going to get better, but there’s a chance he could get to this place again. I get it if this is too much. For a lot of people, it would be.”

“It is a lot,” I agreed. “My heart is broken right now.”

“Right.” He nodded a few times and began to look away from me.

“That isn’t what scares me, though.”

“What scares you, buddy?”

“Losing him.”

His mouth pinched. “You won’t.”

“I hope not. I’m not going anywhere, Ade. I’m committed to Nate for as long as he’ll have me. I love him a whole lot; that’s why this hurts so badly.” I rubbed my gritty eye with the back of my hand. “I think I realized I might need some help too.”

His eyebrow winged. “Yeah?”

“I saw him growing distant,” I admitted softly. “And instead of being concerned, I blamed myself. I thought I was doing something wrong and he was getting tired of me, like all the others. I was so busy gazing at my own navel, I missed what was right in front of me. I don’t want to be this person, Ade. It’s not good for anyone.”

His sigh was so filled with sadness he didn’t have to say anything at all.

And he didn’t.

He opened his arms to me, and I fell right into them.

Chapter Forty-one

Nate

I spent most of the first forty-eight hours of my hospitalization sleeping. Somewhere between the medication changes and not spending every waking second trying to convince myself I was okay, my body simply...quit fighting.