Page 156 of On the Breakaway

“Maybe?” Her eyes hold mine, pleading for a patience I’m fighting to find. “You’re saying everything I want to hear, but I don’t know that I believe this kind of thing can last.”

“Okay.” I try to hold on to the fact that I don’t know is a whole lot different than no.

“Okay?”

“If you knew for certain you didn’t want this, that would be one thing." I wait until she holds my gaze. "But you said maybe."

She tilts her head, an endless stream of unspoken words flying behind her eyes.

“I’m in this, Avery.” I shrug, forcing myself not to sound as desperate for her as I feel. “But I can wait until you are, too.”

“Grayson–”

“Just tell me one thing.”

She swallows. “What?”

“When you picture the end of all this, once you’ve had all the time you need to figure it out…” My thumb brushes across her knuckles. “Do you think there’s a future where you actually want this?”

“Want what?” She frowns.

“Me.” The word comes out rougher than I intended.

“I do want you.”

“Not sneaking around. Not whatever we’ve been doing.” I shake my head. “Me.”

Her eyes soften.

“A future where you want to introduce me as your boyfriend instead of keeping me as your secret. Where you stop looking for reasons this won’t work and start letting yourself believe it might.”

I let out a breath.

“Because I know you want me, Avery. I just need to know there’s a chance you’ll eventually stop being afraid to have me.”

My fingers tighten around hers, and her breath comes out shaky.

“Because I tried for months not to want more with you without realizing I already do.” I continue, my voice more sure now. “I’d like to know there’s at least a chance that someday you won’t be terrified of letting me want you out loud.”

For the first time all night, she doesn’t rush to answer, instead taking the time to actually think about it.

And when she finally speaks, her voice is barely above a whisper.

“Today at the restaurant, when you walked away from me, I thought you were done with me.” Her voice catches. “And for a second, none of the other stuff mattered anymore. Not relationships. Not labels. Not any of the reasons I’ve been freaking out.” Her hand slides against my jaw. “I was just scared you were leaving.”

I exhale sharply. “Really?”

Her nose wrinkles as a small smile appears. “I know I can’t give you any certainty right now, but I promise, I’m trying.”

The knot in my stomach loosens just enough to dull the ache of her not being sure about me yet.

She leans forward and wraps her arms around me. I hold her tightly, burying my face against her hair.

“Okay,” I murmur.

“You’re really okay waiting?” She mumbles into my neck.

I pull back, resting my forehead against hers. “As long as we’re moving toward something.”