Page 100 of Will to Run

But I continue to stare at my reflection as if it will talk back to me. I’m so torn because just now, I told him I am leaving Amberheart and putting myself first, but last night, I was actively entertaining what Hazel and Molly were pitching about becoming the resident painter. Not that I have to make that decision today, I haven’t officially broken my lease yet or anything, but I am tired of living in limbo. I want to feel confident about a path, a next step. Without the wedding painter idea, I was set on leaving, but now?

What if that option makes it make sense to stay?

48

JAXON

When I leave the apartment, I’m giddy because I went from the depths of despair to a spark of hope. And that’s the funny thing about hope; even the smallest flicker can give you life.

It’s the first time in weeks her blue eyes didn’t flash with hurt or hate when they looked at me. And that is my window, my tiny door opening, and I am going to capitalize on it to earn my way back in.

Things are looking up in other areas, too. We ended up finding three solid replacements for the injured employees who aren’t able to return this season; the fourth is coming back. Part of my inability to solely focus on ways to win her back is because I have been training them. But after one more day of working directly with the new hires, and the newfound knowledge that she’s entertaining leaving Amberheart completely, they’ll have to be ready to do it solo. That’s going to free up a massive amount of time.

On Sunday morning, after not seeing Della since my Thursday apology, I text my sister, even though we are still on tenuous ground.

Jax

Good morning, Hazie! I’d like Della to stay here and want to get her back.

Hazel

I don’t even know how to respond to this wake-up call.

Jax

You say yes, how can I help you, dear brother?

And I would say, great, thank you dear sister, please start talking me up.

Hazel

I love the two of you, Jax, but I’m not sure there’s a path forward.

Hazel wasn’t there during my apology, and she doesn’t know that she looked at me differently. Or the way that she hugged me told me she isn’t done. Or that she laughed. Or that Molly said she does think there’s forgiveness on my horizon.

Jax

Well, let’s assume there is because I’m not willing to give up so easily.

No one realizes the magnitude of my fuck-up more than me. But I can’t have her move. Not yet. I know she’s entertaining the idea of leaving to go to where Quinn lives. And Haze, if she goes, I’m going too.

That earns me a phone call, and a call from Hazel is a big deal. She would rather write out a sixteen-paragraph text message than have a three-minute phone conversation.

“Um, what’s that supposed to mean, Jaxon?” She’s talking in a morning voice and shifting around, and I swear I hear a hushed whisper in the background. Where the fuck is my sister?

“It means I’m not going down without a fight, Haze. I’m owning my mistake, and I hope I can prove that to her before she leaves. Do you know if she has already let her landlord know her plan?”

My sister is quiet for a bit. “Jaxon, if she wants to leave, you have to let her.”

“I know I do. But it doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to keep her. But if she does take off, I’m following her.”

“You would not leave during mid-high season,” my sister states with incredulity.

“I would, Hazel. In a heartbeat without a second thought. I already didn’t choose her once, and that will never happen again.”

“Fine,” she says, understanding how serious I am right now. And I need her to get it, because if both she and Molly are saying good things, that will work in my favor. “To my knowledge, she hasn’t talked to the landlord yet. What are you thinking?”

“I’m going to help her remember the good.” The phrase slips out, even though I haven’t given any thought to a plan yet.