Page 49 of Sight Unseen

I returned his kiss with an equal measure of fervor and passion. It was dirty, and scorching hot. No other man had ever made me feel this way.

God, I need him. This man is mine.

His mouth was demanding, wet and needy. I was going to combust if this kept up. I was already in danger of coming in my pants. From the feel of the hard cock pressed against my belly, so was Cody.

I pulled away fearing Armageddon in my trousers. “Wait,” I gasped. “Too much. I’m going to blow if we don’t take a breath here.”

Cody gave a sultry chuckle and lifted off me, his breathing deep and heavy. “You ready to talk then?”

Nodding, I winced as I tried to sit up. My cock got in the way. In the ensuing silence, I imagined he was doing the same thing I was—adjusting his out-of-control woody.

I cleared my throat. “I’ve been an idiot. Unwilling to take a chance on what had been buried deep for so long, and fighting it because I didn’t want to upset our friendship. With Jon in the picture, I wouldn’t allow myself to re-examine my feelings. Then he left. No more obstacles, and I can’t hide it any longer. I wasn’t sure you felt the same until I heard what you said the other night.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” Not the response I’d been hoping for. Where were the soft sighs of romantic acceptance, and perhaps another one of those incredible kisses? “Nate, I’ve been crazy about you since we were kids. Fifteen, in fact, when I realized you were a lot more than a best friend. And let’s not even talk about what happened in the Keys.”

“Yeah, I remember that, of course. When we split up, we went our separate ways and found other guys to be with. I thought you’d moved on like I did.”

Not because I wanted to. Because I had to.

Cody made a strangled noise. He stood and I felt him passing back and forth. “What the hell? We didn’t split up. We had this incredible, spontaneous, sex-filled weekend. I thought it was a dream come true to pardon the old cliché. I thought you felt the same.” He heaved a frustrated sigh. “You went home, told your dad about us and bam, everything got quantum fucked up.

“Not only did you get kicked out of your home, something we weathered, but two days later you told me you didn’t feel ‘that way’ about me anymore, that we were too young to be tied down to each other and that was it. I was left nursing a broken heart and living with the fact we were only friends again.” Cody paused and I imagined him running his hands through his hair, pulling the ends with each pass. “Are you saying all these years you’ve been feeling this way and you’ve never told me?”

Now I was in deep waters. I so wanted to explain why I did what I did back then, but to bring the ugly into this fragile reawakening seemed too harsh. Painful truths could overwhelm and spoil the moment. I promised myself I’d tell Cody everything when I felt we were on more solid ground.

For now, I went with the more superficial and said, “I always knew I really cared for you but after we’d found our own guys, I pushed what happened out of my mind.” Mostly. “You know I can sink things so deep they won’t surface unless… Listen, the accident happened, which gave me a lot of time to think.” My voice caught. “I realized I could have died. I could have been brain damaged, unable to make amends and I would’ve missed out on everything that meant anything to me.

“Jon and I had drifted apart. Then he left, and that didn’t bother me the way it should have. Thinking about you, us, became all I could think about, even when—” I stopped, face flaming. “Well, when I, you know…ah, took care….”

“You jerked off thinking about me.” Cody’s voice was soft but there was an element of something else there I couldn’t identify. Something sly and knowing that made me wonder.

I scowled and glared at him as best I could. “Yes, I did. Because you’re…Cody. My best friend and the man that”—I flapped a hand in exasperation, looking for the right words—“the man that makes me feel special. You always have. Now more than ever, you don’t see me as damaged or useless, but as someone who matters. Someone to be cherished. I finally realized the feelings I’ve had for you, I’d been denying them all these years.”

Strong, calloused hands took mine as Cody knelt in front of me.

“You have always mattered to me.” He took a deep breath. “I never fell out of love with you, you idiot. I didn’t think we had a chance. You pushed me away, made me feel the friends thing was all I was going to get, so I played along. It was either that or lose you altogether. I wasn’t going to have that happen.”

I didn’t process past the “never fell out of love with you” part. Even when we’d been horny teenagers, we’d never used the L word. Then it had been all about gratification and getting off.

I blinked. “You were in love with me? All this time?”

There was a tired huff of breath in front of me, warm, Cody air that tantalized my nostrils and caressed my face. “Crap. I didn’t mean to say that. Can I unsay it?”

I gripped his hands tighter. “No. You know the rule. No take-backs. God, this is one of those times I really wish I could still see your face.” My chest ached. “I want to see you again saying that to me.” My throat closed up, and not for the first time I cursed my damned blindness.

“You see me.” His breath brushed my mouth lightly. “You know me better than anyone.” He sat next to me and pulled me into his arms, hands working through my hair, his touch gentle.

“Yes, I love you. I always have. Who else would put up with you like I do? All those diva moods, the crap jokes, the bad fashion sense.” I heard the smile in his voice. “The genius—the brilliance that is Nate Powell. My Nate.”

My stomach plummeted. I wasn’t ready to say it back yet. It was too soon. My head was full of stuff I wanted to say and I wanted to do it right.

“I can’t say it back yet,” I whispered against his chest as his heart beat strongly in my ear. “I need a little time to adjust. I’m so damn sorry I’ve wasted so much time already, but I need a little more.”

His hands continued their slow caress of hair and cheek. “I don’t need to hear it, Nate,” he murmured. “Just having you here like this is enough for me, for now. That is if you’re sure about this new…thing we have.”

I hated hearing the uncertainty in his voice, the unspoken question. Are you sure this is what you want?

Cody’s voice was steely when he spoke next. “But I need to know. You need to tell me why you pushed me away all those years ago. Why you lied to me, if that’s what it was.”