Page 49 of Fall Over You

He didn’t say anything. He just reached into his glove compartment and held up a plastic baggie with some weed and rolling papers. My hands were cemented between my thighs, an attempt to keep him from seeing how shaky I was.

It was downright erotic watching him roll that joint in the dashboard light. Deft fingers crumbled the weed and sprinkled it into the paper, a confident, practiced movement as he curled it tight into a pretty spliff. His tongue darted out once, twice, three times to wet the paper and seal it shut before he twisted the end to light it.

He leaned to pull a lighter out of his pocket, holding the joint with his lips stretched over his teeth. His face was cast in firelight, then he took just enough of a puff to get it going before handing it off to me. His voracious eyes watched me pull the joint between my lips and let the smoke out, dissolving the intense emotions of everything that just happened.

That situation could have gotten really ugly for me, but Tyler showed up. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t do that. Though I guess if I were ever going to in front of him, that would have been the time. I was so stuck in my thoughts and shaken up that I dropped the joint, burning a hole in the seat of his precious baby LeBaron.

“Shit! Sorry!”

Tyler just laughed and took the joint from me, wiggling out of his jacket and putting it around my shoulders. “Let’s go outside.”

Then we lay on the hood of that thing, backs against the windshield, staring at the sky.

Between that and the time he probably got my best friend pregnant while he was watching me in a wild group session, there will always be a hint of a flicker between us.

Wouldn’t it be nice if marrying him meant I was just settled? I wouldn’t have to go trolling at the Legion to try and find somebody to pay attention to me. There’s almost no chance for love in this marriage with how much Tyler hates me now, and I’m not exactly his biggest fan either.

Maybe I can have one last fling before the ring to have a good send-off to however many years of celibacy this might create.

Ugh. Celibacy. How does that word have “cel” in it like it’s something to celebrate? It’s a nightmare, but one I’ll take on if it means I get to keep this farm and do Ernest proud.

The man who will decidedly be giving me no sex stands before me, hands hanging limply at his sides. I guess I’m choosing violence tonight, because I hit him with the big guns.

“Would you take her back?”

The way his pupils shrink tells me he knows exactly who I mean. He leans an elbow on the counter and scrubs a hand over his face. “That’s not fair.”

I shake my head. “We need to clear this up before we go through with anything.” I pause, breath caught in my chest. If he’d still take her back, I don’t know if I can marry him. CJ hasn’t spoken to me since she got pregnant with Ellie, but I can’t steal her man in good conscience. “I wish she hadn’t cut me out.”

He screws up his face. “You said something terrible to her. It ruined her.”

“Now who’s not being fair?” I ask, lifting my chin. “All I did was tell her to get help.”

Tyler’s mouth hangs open. “What?”

“I told her to get help. I offered to help her get help. To go through it all with her.”

He shakes his head, looking at his hands like they’ll have the answers. “You told her she’d be a bad mom. You told her she had options.”

I cross my arms over my chest. “I did say that. She was so sick, and I didn’t want her to hurt Ellie. I know she ended up cleaning up her act while she was pregnant, but that was a strong possibility.”

Tyler swallows and looks at the ground between us. “You offered to go through it with her?”

“Yes. And then she decided to be stubborn⁠—”

“I don’t know anyone else like that,” he interrupts.

I tip my head at him but it is kinda funny. One point to Tyler. “She shut me out completely. I think she wasn’t ready for all of it, so she cut me out.” I gnaw on my lip. “I tried with her, Tyler. I loved her. She was my best friend.”

“I know you did,” he says quietly. “We all did.”

“I still miss her,” I admit.

“I do too. Parts of her. Who I hoped she could be. But it was pretty bad toward the end. It was almost better after she left, which sounds shitty to say.”

I shake my head and lift a shoulder. “I get it. That must’ve been really hard.”

He shifts his jaw back and forth. “I had to give her Narcan. More than once. It’s,” his throat works, “tough to see that.”