Page 50 of Fall Over You

“I’m sorry.” I shake my head. “I know she didn’t mean to end up like this. It’s not her fault. Not really.”

“I know. But two things are true. It’s both not her fault and a fact of reality. Addiction took over everything.” He thumbs toward the stairs. “I have to look out for her. And Ellie has a better chance without CJ around. She’s got a better shot with . . .”

Tyler looks pointedly at me, then back at the floor. Every part of my body feels like it just got heavier. I know being a mother figure to Ellie is part of this deal. I’m intimidated, but willing to rise to the occasion. “And what about you?”

He lets out a deep breath. “I couldn’t take her back. The trust is gone. It won’t ever be there again.”

I nod and chuckle.

“What’s funny about that?” he asks.

“About that? Nothing. What’s funny is I’ve been so worried I’m stealing her man by marrying you.”

A sad smirk curves his lips. “I tried, but I don’t know if I was ever hers to have.”

My thoughts start to swirl. What does that mean? Did he not love CJ? Or is he pulling one of those “I’m unlovable” acts?

He looks at the clock on the stove. “I should get to bed. But . . .” He messes with his mouth, possibly chewing on this thought. “I’m glad we cleared the air. Thanks for bringing it up.”

I open my arms. “Hug it out? And don’t act like I’m covered in bees?”

He chuckles and steps into my hug, giving me a squeeze and running a hand up and down my back. “I’m not that bad.”

“Yeah, and I’m not the devil incarnate.”

He barks a laugh. “Don’t lie to me, Reba. You’re still raising plenty of hell.”

I pull out of our hug and tweak his cheek. “You deserve some hell, grumpy bear.”

NINETEEN

TYLER

I’ve been living a lie. Some childish part of me clung to the idea that CJ leaving was Becca’s fault. Sometimes it’s nice to have a scapegoat, one singular person you can point to and say, “Ha! They’re why everything is awful!”

But Becca didn’t make CJ leave. I know addiction is an illness, that it’s not CJ’s fault that it happened to her. That I could have been just like her if I hadn’t sworn it all off when she got pregnant—and stayed clean. CJ didn’t have the same luck. They gave her opioids when she gave birth to Ellie and it brought her right back into the cycle. She never really stood a chance. I went into debt on her rehab in the hopes that she’d come back, and she did for a few weeks.

But then she was gone with a simple note in our bathroom. Don’t come looking for me.

None of that had anything to do with Becca. CJ shut Becca out when she first told her she was pregnant.

I’ve had the wrong idea of why CJ stopped talking to Becca. I don’t know why I’m surprised when CJ lied about so many other things during that time. I guess I just didn’t expect she’d lie about her best friend.

So I woke up this morning resolved. I can’t erase all the avoidance of the last few years, but I can be good to Becca now. And being good today looks like baking some of Becca’s favorite muffins.

“Daddy, can we add chocolate chips to the muffins?”

Ellie stands on a chair stirring a bowl of nothing while the blueberry muffins bake. I kiss the top of her head, once again nauseated at the thought of a life without her.

“Maybe next time, shug. We got this topping to put on ‘em when they come out anyway.”

The door off the back porch opens and Becca steps into the kitchen with a smile. She holds up the basket in her hand. “Fresh eggs!”

Ellie scrambles to climb down off the chair while Becca takes off her boots. “Miss Becca!”

Becca crouches to hug my girl, and her sincerity with my daughter makes me feel even worse about what I said last night. Becca might have said what she said to CJ back then, but there’s no denying she’s crazy about Ellie now. “Hi, sweetie. You sleep good in my house?”

“Mmhmm. Miss Darcy’s bed is so comfy.”