Page 123 of Smoke and Glitter

And I am.

If this conversation had happened right after, maybe everything would be different. But it didn't happen. It happened today, after months of hurt and both of us changing in ways neither of us gets to skip over because Sam finally found some of the right words.

I pick up my bag.

Sam moves around the chair and stops several feet away.

He doesn't reach for me.

"I'll see you when you're back," he says.

I don't promise when that will be.

"Good luck with Pilsen."

His expression softens. "I will."

I leave before either of us finds another reason to stay.

Outside, the cold catches the wetness under my eyes before I realize I'm crying. I walk right past the car waiting at the curb and have to turn around when the driver taps the horn.

I slide into the back seat, give him the hotel address and pull the door closed.

Chicago moves past the window while I wipe my face with the heel of my hand.

I thought seeing Sam again might give me something cleaner than this. Anger would have been convenient. So would forgiveness. Instead I'm sitting in the back of a car relieved, heartbroken and still so fucking in love with him that none of those things manages to cancel out the others.

He gave me more today than he ever has.

He told me the truth about the man who showed up at Vibes. About himself before Elise. About why my help made him angry. About how badly some part of him still wants to keep hold of anything that could be used to hurt him.

And he still stopped.

For months I've wondered whether we would have ended differently if I'd asked better. Stayed calmer. Given him one question instead of three. Waited another ten minutes.

Today I gave him time. I stayed quiet. I didn't finish a single sentence for him.

He heard me. He tried. And some of what I needed still stayed on his side of the table. That hurts, but it is not the same thing as me asking wrong.

My phone sits beside me on the seat. I leave it there and watch the city through the window.

Sunday, I go back to London.

Chapter twenty-four

Chapter Twenty-Four

Sam

Isit in the truck outside Vibes with the engine off and my phone in the cup holder.

Autumn is still in Chicago.

She flies back to London tomorrow, which means there is a hotel room somewhere across the city with her in it and one more night between now and London. I know exactly how long it would take me to get there from here.

The keys are already in my hand.

For a few seconds, I picture it. Walking into the lobby. Calling her from downstairs. Getting one more chance at the conversation I spent this morning trying to have.