Page 52 of Smoke and Glitter

But every version ends up in the same place.

It's not that deep.

Late that night, I open my laptop.

Anna's last email is still in my inbox.

She didn't argue when I turned London down. She sent three sentences and left the decision with me.

I think you're making a mistake.

I also think you're allowed to make it.

If you change your mind, call me before I fill the spot.

I don't hit reply to hurt Sam. He doesn't even know London exists. This has to be mine.

Beneath everything that happened tonight, one fact is still sitting exactly where I left it.

I wanted London.

I wanted the tour. I wanted the office. I wanted the terrifying size of the opportunity Anna had put in front of me.

I said no because I thought there was something here worth protecting.

Tonight, Sam told me what he thinks that something is.

I believe him.

Now I get to choose again with all the information.

I hit reply.

Me: Is London still available?

Chapter nine

Chapter Nine

Autumn

Iwait several days. I tell myself I'm giving Sam time. I'm not.

I'm giving myself time to decide whether I can stand in front of him and ask a question I already know the answer to but need to hear him say it out loud.

Anna knows I'm reconsidering. Before I give her a final answer, I text Sam.

Me: Are you free after close?

His reply comes back almost immediately.

Sam: Yeah. Come up whenever. I'll be here.

I stare at the screen longer than I need to.

For days, I've replayed everything I heard behind that wall until I can predict the order of the sentences.

She doesn't need me.