Page 53 of Smoke and Glitter

It's casual.

I like it that way.

It's not that deep.

I know what he thinks.

I just need to hear what he says when I'm standing in front of him.

Because some pathetic part of me still wants him to look at my face and choose differently. To fucking fight for me, for us.

The bar is mostly empty when I come in.

Tony's working. Bex isn't.

I checked.

Whatever happens tonight, I don't want Bex watching it happen.

Sam is finishing the cash when he looks up, and the second he sees me, the tension leaves his face.

He smiles.

Not the easy bartender smile he gives half the room. Mine.

Or the one I thought was mine.

For one stupid second, it almost works on me.

"Hey."

"Hey."

He looks genuinely happy I'm here, and I hate him a little for that.

"Give me ten minutes."

I nod.

Tony reaches automatically for the mezcal when he sees me at the end of the bar.

"Not tonight."

His hand pauses on the bottle.

He looks at me once, puts it back and doesn't ask.

Sam finishes the count, locks the drawer and comes around the bar.

"Come on."

I follow him upstairs.

The stairs feel longer than they ever have.

Inside the apartment, Sam kicks off his boots and heads for the refrigerator.

He takes out a beer but doesn't open it.