Page 61 of Smoke and Glitter

His mouth tightens like I knocked the air out of him. Maybe he is finally hearing the months inside those three words. I don't stay to see what he does with them.

"I'm going home."

"Autumn."

I turn toward the door. For one last second, I want him to stop me. Not grab me. Not block the door.

Just say my name in a way that means don't go because I love you and I'm done being afraid.

He doesn't.

So I leave.

I go down the stairs I've taken so many times I could do it in the dark.

Past the wall I've touched with my hand while Sam kissed my neck.

Past the landing where we once couldn't wait twelve more feet before his mouth was on mine.

Tony is stacking glasses when I reach the bar. He looks up. His eyes move over my coat, my face. Then away. He doesn't ask. I'm almost at the door when I see the envelope. Still sitting on the back bar beside the register. Exactly where I left it. Still sealed.

For a second, I just look at it. Two nights of work. Something he wanted. Something I tried to give him because that is how I know how to love people. He couldn't even open it.

I keep walking.

It's raining outside.

I don't have an umbrella.

By the time I get two blocks away, my hair is sticking to my face and the shoulders of my coat are soaked through.

I call a car.

When I slide into the back seat, I finally look at my phone.

There's an text from Anna.

Anna: Yes. Call me Monday.

I read it once. Then again. A few days ago, I asked if the offer was still open, then waited because I needed one last answer from Sam. I have it now.

Me: I'll call you Monday.

Send.

The phone goes facedown on my knee. Outside the window, Chicago smears into wet light as the car pulls away.

Chapter ten

Chapter Ten

Sam

The night is good. Two hundred and change through the door. Marisol comes on later. A bachelorette party takes over three tables and tips like somebody's grading them. By close, the drawer looks good and there's a guy at the rail asking me what he should buy his girlfriend for her birthday.

"What does she drink?"

"Gin and tonics."