Page 23 of The Gentleman Physician

“I think whatever injury caused your little scrape may have addled your brain,” Nathaniel said, affecting a tone of disinterest. “I may need to examine you further and ask your wife how long you’ve been spouting nonsense.”

Timothy rolled his eyes but put one hand up to trace the stitches over his eye. “She will not help you much. I’m sure Mary will claim I’ve been spouting nonsense since the day we met.”

Nathaniel chuckled, knowing the nature of Timothy’s wife well enough to guess the truth of that statement. “More than likely, she’ll be right.”

His friend waved a hand to dismiss the jest. “You cannot change the subject. I am in earnest. You must put this Miss Devon business behind you and find a real companion, a woman who might help you in your endeavors as a doctor. Someone who would be willing to make Bath her permanent home. Preferably someone Mary would like, too, so that we might leave them closeted together while we continue in our usual way.”

“I think your list of requirements in a woman is longer than mine,” Nathaniel said, shaking his head ruefully. Though his friend’s manner amused him, Nathaniel had been thinking along similar lines for some time. But he often put away such thoughts as impossible, impractical, or ill-timed.

“Ah-ha.” Timothy raised a finger and pointed accusingly towards Nathaniel’s chest. “You have a list. Excellent. This means I won’t have to prod you to the altar.” He clapped his hands together, causing the nearest pair of diners to start and cast accusing glances their way. Timothy didn’t notice.

“Were you planning on taking such action?”

“Yes, of course. What else are friends for?” Timothy sat up straighter and raised a napkin to his lips. “What woman most matches your ideal at present? You had favorable things to say about that woman you took to the concert. What was her name? Miss Faith or Miss Felicity, or some such thing? It started with F.”

Nathaniel took up his cup again. “Miss Felicity Rochester. She is a charming woman, but alas, her heart is spoken for.” He smiled behind the rim of the porcelain. “By a gentleman in her home county of Dorset.”

“Blast.” Timothy spoke the word sharply, again earning the displeased glares from their dining neighbors. “She seemed perfect. Are you certain she wouldn’t change her mind about the fellow? Throw him over for you?”

“I don’t think so.” Nathaniel chuckled and turned his attention to his bowl of soup. The warm food would have to tide him over until he finished the remainder of his appointments, when he would take himself home to whatever dinner his neighbor had made for him. For a small fee, the family who rented the rooms next to his always had their cook prepare extra portions for his dinner, in the event he was not invited by any of his patrons to dine at their homes.

“Then you must keep your eyes open for a likely candidate and I will do the same. Mary will help, too, of course.” Timothy pursed his lips, his expression more thoughtful and serious than before. “All jesting aside, Nate, I think you need someone in your life. Someone aside from me and Mary.”

To this point, Nathaniel had not realized his friend’s inquest stemmed from true concern. He allowed a measure of gravity into his tone when he spoke.

“Thank you for your concern, Tim. But I am well enough. When the time is right, when I find a suitable lady, I will do my best to obtain her hand. But in all of this, you haven’t considered one thing.”

“Really? I thought I was thorough enough.” The barrister tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. “What did I miss?”

“Suppose I find the perfect woman for the position of my wife and she will not have me?” Though he said the words lightly, Nathaniel felt the familiar fear tug at his heart. Julia had been perfect, in every way.

“Then she is not right for you.” Timothy finished off his sandwich and pushed back from the table. “And you will keep searching.”

Nathaniel sighed and stood as well, tossing a few coins onto the table to cover the cost of the meal. “Bachelorhood isn’t terrible.”

“Not for the men who do it right. But you, my friend, only go from one invalid to another, and never see anyone socially.” They collected their coats and hats from a servant, then Timothy led the way from the tearoom and onto the street.

“I am well enough.” Nathaniel reached out to clasp his friend’s hand.

“It is well meant concern,” Timothy said with a shrug.

“I know. And I’m thankful for it. But you worry more than a debutante’s mother.”

They both laughed and went their separate ways, but Nathaniel carried the conversation with him for some time. Try as he might to forget about it, he understood where Timothy’s concern came from, and his friend was right. Nathaniel, for all that he kept busy going about town from one patient to another, remained alone, and lonely. His rented rooms were too quiet, and often too cold, when he returned to them at the end of each day. He lived modestly, saving his pennies and pounds, hoping for better days ahead. But how would those better days ever come if he kept his head buried in work and his heart locked away?

The image of Julia came to him again, but not as she’d been at the baron’s home. He remembered instead the last time he’d spoken to her in London, at one of their favorite parks.

“I asked your father for your hand,” he’d said, peering down at his shoes, half-ashamed of the man’s answer. “He laughed in my face and told me you would never have me. He said you were meant for better things and a better man. He said other things, too, not fit for a lady’s ears. But I must know, Julia. Do you see a future between us?” He had finally glanced up, into her beautiful brown eyes.

Her face had been pale, washed of all natural color, and her eyes wide.

“You spoke to him? You told him of our meetings?”

“I told him I had met you in society, many times.” His humiliation fresh, it had been only too natural for him to recognize what her words must mean. “You did not wish him to know about me?”

“No.” Julia closed her eyes and half-turned away. “I knew he could never like you. I wish you would have told me. I would have prevented you going to him.”

Her words had crushed his already bruised pride. “Then you do not feel as I do,” he’d said. “But why, Julia? Why would you allow me to walk so often with you, dance with you, share my hopes with you? Why, if you knew we could never be?”