Page 58 of An Engagement with the Enemy

Would he tire of propping up his wife every time the world converged on her? In stories, love was enough to overcome so many things. Yet even his favorite book of late, Rob Roy, depicted a loving marriage that existed because the wife had the same inner strength and fortitude as her husband. They were both honorable, loyal, and courageous. Equal in their partnership.

Jessica had lived a spoiled, sheltered life in Amoret’s quiet shadows. Protected from discomfort. And still, it came. She wasn’t a match for James. Would he see it? Would he grow to despise her weakness? She wouldn’t blame him. After all, she felt nothing but hatred for her weakness that no doctor had been able to cure.

She didn’t realize she’d started crying until her vision blurred. Tears slipped down her cheeks.

It wasn’t fair. It had never been fair.

The early evening stars twinkled brightly in the sky above, cold and uncaring of her heartache.

She found the smoke curling from the highest chimney of Amoret Castle. James was likely readying himself for dinner, unaware of the turmoil in her heart. She pictured his smile, the warmth in his eyes when he looked at her.

The choice before her was agonizing.

Should she follow her heart, whatever the consequences? Or heed Catherine’s warning and protect herself from future pain? Jessica leaned against the window frame, the darkness of the night matching the uncertainty in her soul. It wasn’t really a decision for her to make. All she could do was tell James it was over. She couldn’t help him anymore.

Separation would be best. Keeping away from him was the only way to spare herself more pain. She’d been right when she decided never to marry. It would be best, for everyone, if she remained alone with her troubles instead of foisting them on the man she loved.

With so much weighing on her, Jessica wearily closed the window. She crawled into bed, tears dampening her pillow as she drifted off to troubled sleep.

CHAPTER TWENTY

The second day of the fair dawned as bright as the first, and James left his house before breakfast. He took himself into the village, finding the vendors already open, and bought a sausage-stuffed roll from a cheerful butcher’s wife. He tried to delay his arrival at Fairbrook Lodge but ultimately found himself at the door earlier than most visitors would be admitted.

He was as eager as Ottis had been as a pup, excited and anticipating the day ahead with every breath he took. He rang the bell, which the servants kept muffled until the family woke, and waited for an answer with full confidence that he’d be asked inside and to breakfast.

But the servant’s somber face at the door quickly dampened his spirits. “Mr. Aldwick. I’ve been asked to make apologies for Miss Westcote, sir. She is not well today and is not accepting visitors.”

Confusion and worry etched across James’s face. “Not well? What do you mean? Is it serious?” he asked, his voice rising with concern. She’d been perfectly well the evening before. Happy. Content. Beautiful. He’d fully depended on another day in her company.

“I’m not at liberty to say, sir,” the servant replied, his face betraying no emotion. “She simply instructed me to give her regrets.”

James thanked the servant and retreated, his mind reeling with questions. What could have happened to make Jessica unwell so suddenly? And why couldn’t he know what ailed her? Surely, she wasn’t embarrassed. He’d been present once when she’d cast up her accounts, due to illness. They’d been in her family’s garden, him, Leo, Catherine, and a few other young friends. Jessica had seemed pale, but happy to have them there. Then she’d turned green, practically threw herself into a bush, and made terrible sounds while Catherine sent James running for her father and a servant.

Everyone fell ill from time to time.

Perhaps she was only tired from the day before, and she didn’t want to admit that he hadn’t helped as much as they hoped. She’d told him her fits could leave her exhausted for hours or days at a time. Had he missed something?

Had he failed her?

Upon his return home, he found Catherine in the breakfast room, along with their father’s guests. But when she looked up at him, her eyes held a knowing concern.

He greeted everyone at the table, as required. Then gave his sister a meaningful smile. “Do you have a moment to speak in private, Catherine?”

“Of course. If everyone will excuse me a moment.” She rose from the table after their father nodded his permission, though he watched the two of them withdraw from the room with a curious expression.

James took his sister across the hall, opened the door to their father’s private study, and closed it behind them again. They didn’t ever come in here alone. Usually, his father sat behind the desk, telling them some piece of important news. Or his mother and father had both been in the room, most often in their childhood, to address childhood mischief. It was strange to be in there for a serious discussion without either of his parents present.

He ran his hand through his hair, pacing away from his sister. Then he turned back to her. “Jessica is ill. She isn’t attending the fair today.”

Catherine’s shoulders slumped, but she appeared relieved rather than troubled. “Poor Jess. I’ll visit her later.”

“The servants said she wasn’t taking visitors.” Even as he spoke the words, he realized they wouldn’t apply to his sister. Catherine was always granted admittance to the house and family. She was closer to Jessica than anyone in the world. For a strange moment, he was jealous of his own sister.

“James,” she said slowly, as though choosing her words carefully. “Perhaps it’s best not to spend so much time with Jessica. Especially when we have guests, and our parents wish for you to take the matter of finding a wife more seriously.” She tucked her hands behind her back, as though she had something to hide.

His brow furrowed, irritation mixing with his worry. “I haven’t any idea why you’d suggest that. Jessica and I are friends. Finally. Isn’t that what you always wanted? For us to stop arguing and get along?”

“Yes. I did want that,” she admitted, her brow constricting. “But now might not be the best time. Not when you’re trying to get to know other ladies.”