Page 132 of The Devil and His Ghost

I couldn’t rewind time.

I hadn’t saved her.

“I wanted to save you,” I choked, staring down into her eyes. “I wanted a life with you. But all I did was give myself a little more time.”

“Time,” she murmured with a quivering lip. “We have more of that, don’t we? I’m—I’m your ghost, after all.”

Thunder clapped in the distance, and my black heart fissured with it. Cold drops of rain speckled my outstretched arms and head. It chilled me to the bone, and I truly hoped it would. I needed the cold to numb me to see this through.

I stared into Kendyll’s eyes and saw everything.

A scared little girl who wanted a family, only to be betrayed by them.

A girl who had to seek comfort in dark places, because those living in the light rejected her.

A girl who ran her entire life on broken, exhausted legs.

A woman who just wanted to be free.

Free of Mountview, free of her past, free of any more suffering.

Instead of granting her that, I’d thrown her right back in with the wolves. I’d kept her by my side, a prisoner bound by my shackles. I’d put her in harm’s way by keeping her spirit here, drawing out her torment, because even as a ghost, she still carried all the pain of her life. It didn’t matter why I’d done it. I could tell myself it was because I loved her and couldn’t stand living this life without her in it, even if it was as a ghost. The point was I’d prevented her from moving on to somewhere she could be free of it all.

I would right that wrong today.

I smiled down at her as the rain grew heavy. My dark hair clung to my face, and my clothes stuck to my body. Kendyll remained dry as the rain couldn’t reach her spectral form. I held my hand out for Catsper, and with a final prodding at Kendyll’s cheek with his nose, the ghost cat came to perch on my shoulder, mewling quietly.

“It’s okay, Ghost,” I whispered while raising two fingers. I moved them quickly in a series of patterns, though it felt as though the limb moved through quicksand. “You’ve worked so fucking hard. I’m so … so proud of you. You can rest now, baby. It’s okay.”

A glowing strand appeared between us, connecting the center of her chest to mine. With it, her eyes fluttered disorientedly as the fog of being between here and the next place for her soul began to cloud her mind.

“Rest?” she asked blearily, an unfocused stare on that thread of light between us. She hummed a confused sort of sound. “Rest. That … sounds nice.”

My eyes burned as I nodded with her. I placed my free hand on the back of her head and leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, and I stayed there, fighting the tangle of emotions working their way to the surface.

“I love you,” I whispered against her forehead. “I’m going to give you that happy ending you wanted now.”

She took an unsteady breath and pulled back slightly to look at me with muddied, transparent eyes. “Will you be waiting here for me when I’m done resting?”

I’d always fucking wait for her, even while knowing there was no coming back. So with my smile still in place, I nodded. “Always, Qīn’ài de.”

Even through her growing delirious state of a soul on the brink of moving on, she managed to smile at me and held out one slender finger. “Pinky promise?”

The tightness in my throat snapped as I stared at her outstretched finger. My eyes flooded with hot tears, and I just hoped she couldn’t tell them apart from the falling rain. I slowly wound my pinky around hers and met her eyes one more time.

One final time.

“I pinky promise,” I choked out around a grin.

A single tear slid down her cheek. “I love you, Mr. Monster.”

“And I love you, Ghost.”

With a quick swipe down of my raised fingers, the strand between us fizzled. Having lost the energy gained from our connection, her form went completely transparent. Her eyes fluttered closed, and a peaceful smile lifted her lips. Slowly, the light of her form faded, her pinky still wrapped around mine. Even when the air in front of me stood empty, I didn’t drop my outstretched hand, which began to shake. Even when Catsper drifted to that outstretched arm and searched the air for Kendyll with broken whimpers, I stood frozen, splintering into a thousand pieces on the inside.

I collapsed to my knees in the rain before her grave and let the tears fall. Harper appeared beside me and sank to the muddy grass with her arms wrapped around my back, and Iyla did the same on my other side. I wailed out as Serenity placed a hand on my back and crouched against me. Perseus dropped to his knees in front of me, his own eyes red with the threat of tears. He grabbed my tear-stained face and pulled it into his chest where he held me. I screamed and cried against him, clinging to his shirt as though it could change something, as though it could bring her back.

But there was no bringing her back.