Page 42 of Sex On A Plate

INSTA-POT ROAST BEEF AND VEGGIES

DIFFICULTY: Meh.

TIME: 2-1/2 hours (only 30 minutes of which you’ll be busy).

What you’ll need from the cupboard: An Insta pot. A whisk. A slotted spoon, A spoon with no slots. A sharp knife.

What you’ll need from the pantry: a 3 or 4-pound rump or chuck roast (a cheap cut of meat works well in the Insta-Pot). 16-20 little yellow potatoes (Yukon Gold, or whatever you like). Carrots. Salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and dried parsley. Worcestershire sauce. Beef broth and ketchup.

* * *

If you don’t own an Insta-Pot (pressure cooker), go get one. You’ll soon forget all about a Crock Pot (slow cooker).

Although I still use our Crock Pot occasionally, the Insta-Pot is my go-to cooker (now that I’ve taken the Insta-Pot plunge).

Cut the roast into 1-pound chunks. It doesn’t have to be pretty, nor does it have to be perfect. No, you don’t need to weigh them, just eyeball it. If you’ve got a 3-pound roast, cut it in 3 equal pieces. A 4-pounder? 4 pieces.

Wash your hands.

Measure out a teaspoon of salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and dried parsley. Measure 2 teaspoons of pepper. Take this mixture and rub it into the chunks of roast.

Wash your hands.

Dump a cup of beef broth in the Insta-Pot. Add a tablespoon of ketchup (just do it). Add a tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce.

Stir.

Add the seasoned chunks of meat. Again, don’t stack them like Lincoln Logs. Make a little beef circle, hugging the perimeter of the pot. I realize if you’ve got a 4-pounder that it’ll come close to filling the pot, but you don’t want a meat pile, it hinders cooking.

Wash your hands.

Lock the lid in place.

Set on the “Meat” setting and choose “high” pressure. Set timer for an hour and 45 minutes for a 3-pounder, and 2 hours for a 4-pounder. Don’t worry, you can’t really overcook meat in an Insta-Pot.

The longer you cook it, the more tender it will be.

At some point during the window of nothingness you now have, chop the carrots into whatever size pieces you like. Gather your potatoes. Chop half an onion into big pieces if you like them (I do). If you’re weird about dirt, wash the potatoes (I don’t, and it drives my wife crazy).

Let the pot release naturally. If it hasn’t released after 10 minutes, release it manually.

Use caution removing the roast. It’s hot as ten kinds of fuck and filled with pressure pockets.

Carefully lay roast on a plate or platter and cover with foil.

Add vegetables to the pot immediately after removing the roast (yes, lower them into the liquid). On the “Meat” setting, choose “high” pressure. Set the timer for 3 minutes.

NOTE: The pot has to come up to pressure before the timer starts. If everything inside (liquid) is hot (and it should be unless you dicked around doing something that’s not listed here) it’ll reach pressure in a matter of a few minutes.

After that, the timer will set itself. So, in actual time, it’ll be 10-12 minutes, not 3.

When the pot beeps, letting you know the time is up, let the pressure release naturally. If it doesn’t in 5-6 minutes, do it manually.

Now, your meat and veggies are perfect.

Remove the perfect veggies with the slotted spoon.

If you want gravy, mix 1/4 cup of corn starch with 1/4 cup of water. Turn the pot on “Sautee” and whisk in the corn starch mixture a little at a time until the liquid thickens into your desired gravy-like substance.

Salt and pepper to taste.

Whether you’ve chosen a cheap chuck roast, or a decent rump roast is irrelevant. The collagen that makes a roast tough will be dissolved in the Insta-Pot. This is something a Crock Pot can’t always do, unless you cook your roast for 12 hours.

Remove the foil from the roast and serve with the veggies and gravy.

Use leftovers for tacos, sandwiches, etc.

Wait, what leftovers?

Enjoy.