Sex On A Plate

Guaranteed to fix a failing marriage, get your spouse in the sack, or bring a broken family back together, Scott Hildreth’s Sex on a Plate contains step-by-step instructions that can be followed by almost anyone (as long as you’re not easily offended).

Offering recipes for 49 sinfully simple things to put in your mouth, this cookbook includes the author’s (and soon to be your) favorites from appetizers to desserts.

After spending 20 years in a motorcycle club and a stint in federal prison, the author became a bestselling romance novelist. A self-proclaimed chef, Hildreth has assembled a cookbook laced with expletives, excitement, and an ex-con’s opinions. Laugh out loud as you cook your way from “Adobo Chicken” to “Holy Pecan Pudding F*ck.”

Who wouldn’t want to sink their teeth into the aforementioned HPPF?

It’s wonderful with a cup of coffee or by itself. It’s as addictive as heroin, so be careful. If you don’t watch what you’re doing, you’ll be sitting in the basement corner at midnight with the pan between your knees and a spoon in your hand, eating this sh*t with wide eyes and a grin on your face while everyone in the house is looking for you.

Or, follow instructions like this:

Using your soup spoon (from the list above), just scoop the f*cking dough out of the bowl and flick globs onto your cookie sheet in a dozen equally spaced dollops.
What? You want to roll them into pretty little balls? Uhhm. NO!
If you want perfectly shaped cookies, go get those expensive pre-made f*ckers from Starbucks.
Bake at 350 for 10 minutes (until edges are browning). Don’t wait 12 or 13 minutes, because when they cool, they’ll be dry and crispy all the way through. When you eat them, your spouse will side-eye you like you’re munching a bag of f*cking Doritos. Nobody likes that shit…

In short, this collection of formerly secret family recipes told in the author’s native tongue is not to be missed.