Page 54 of Sex On A Plate

SECTION SIX

SIDE DISHES

Pasta Salad with Bacon

Parmesan Cauliflower

Foil Potatoes

Bacon Deviled Eggs

Skillet Fried Brussel Sprouts with Bacon

Cabbage and Bacon

Broccoli and Bacon Salad

PASTA SALAD WITH BACON

DIFFICULTY: By now you can say, “Ben there, done that.” Just don’t say it near me.

TIME: 20 minutes

What you’ll need from the cupboard: A stock pot. A colander. A big serving bowl. A small bowl. A plastic spoon. Kitchen scissors. A Sharp knife. A rubber spatula.

What you’ll need from the pantry: Two cups of uncooked elbow macaroni. Generally, this is an 8-ounce box. Salt. Olive oil. A big stalk of celery. 3 scallions (green onions). Half a cup of Hellman’s mayonnaise, plus a tablespoon. 2 teaspoons of granulated sugar, 1 teaspoon of dried parsley, 1/2 a teaspoon of salt, 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar, 3 tablespoons of sour cream. 2 teaspoons of black pepper (freshly ground) and 3/4 of a teaspoon of dry mustard. 4 strips of bacon. A cup of grated cheddar cheese.

* * *

Cook the four slices of bacon until it’s well done, but not crunchy. Cut into pieces (about the size of your index fingernail) with kitchen scissors.

Set aside.

Slice the celery stalk lengthwise into slivers the width of your pinky finger. Then, slice those slivers in half. Chop all of the slivers into little squares. Basically, finely chop the celery.

Set aside.

Cut the tips off the scallions. Throw them away (the tips, not the scallions). Chop the scallions into as thin of a slice as you’re able, only using the white portion of the onion. Pile them up. Chop with a sharp knife until fine.

Stir the chopped celery, scallions, and a teaspoon of dried parsley into the macaroni and mix well.

Put half a cup of mayonnaise plus another teaspoon, a teaspoon of olive oil, 2 teaspoons of sugar, a 1/2 teaspoon of salt, 3/4 of a teaspoon of dry mustard, 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar, and 3 tablespoons of sour cream in the small bowl.

Mix well.

Using the rubber spatula, mix the salad dressing you’ve made into the pasta. Fold in the cup of cheddar cheese and mix well.

When it’s all mixed well, add the bacon pieces and give it one last stir or two.

Add salt and pepper once the dish is on the plate to suit your personal taste.

Serve with sandwiches, pulled pork, burgers, or eat it alone.

It’s good cold (right out of the fridge), too. That’s how Jessica likes it. It seems I’m always catching her eating it right out of the Tupperware with a spoon.

Enjoy.