Page 20 of Breathe Like Hell

It was also shared with Micah.

When did either of them do this?

I quickly unshared it with both of them, then swallowed hard. Maybe I should leave it shared… Mila glanced up from her phone at me, and there wasn’t much I could do to hide the way my cheeks had paled in the past sixty seconds, or the way I wasn’t quite breathing correctly anymore. My eyes flicked down to my glowing phone screen again.

Thoughts warring in my skull, I typed out my response.

Me

I despise you. Can you at least tell me how many minutes away you are?

Most of me hated Mason for taking this night from me, for taking away my chance to reset and fix myself. But the other, darker parts were happy he still wanted me. He wasn’t letting me leave him, just like he promised he wouldn’t.

Anything was better than that. It had to be.

Right?

We’re terrible together, but at least we’re together.

The pain of being with Mason was better than the pain of being without him. If I was destined to hurt, I’d rather have this wound than the other one. The one that reminded me of my brother.

Weeks with him away at college, weeks spent alone in my bedroom hearing the screaming through the thin walls, dozens of unanswered texts, a pit in my stomach every day, no appetite, all because I’d dared to show him a sliver of my actual emotions…

Mason

I haven’t left yet. You need a minute?

My lips twisted to the side, and I bit the inside of my cheek, chewing on the flesh until I tasted iron. Mila put her hand on my knee, and I peered over at her.

“Is something going on?” she questioned, her brown eyes wide and sincere.

“Uh—yeah. Yeah. Someone is going to pick me up in a little bit.”

“Who? Are you replacing me?” Mila made a face of faux offense.

“Never. It’s a guy I’ve been hooking up with.” The words came out too easily and I realized too late how they were going to change things.

Now she did look a little bit upset, and I felt bad about that. I hadn’t meant to keep it from her, but the whole situation was so strange, and not necessarily good in any way at all. Also, she likely wasn’t going to remember Micah for long if I tried to talk about him, so it wasn’t like I could articulate the entire relationship to her.

“Who?”

“Just a guy. It’s not serious.” Not serious. As if he hadn’t made me believe he was going to kill me more than once.

“But he’s taking you from me.” She pouted, sticking out her lower lip. I could see a bit of real sadness under her playful expression. I hated it. “And I just ordered our food.” Mila turned her phone to face me, showing the proof of our delivery order being prepared now.

“Trust me, I would much rather stay here with you,” I sighed, then realized how the words sounded. Not good, because I was going to leave, and I sounded far from excited about it. He was fucking up my mind. “But, um…” How was I supposed to spin this? Mason was somehow capable of harming every other relationship in my life, even in his absence. I wished I could redo this entire conversation.

“Dakota?”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head, feeling weird about the whole thing. “I didn’t mean to say it like that. I’m going to stay here and eat with you, then he’ll pick me up. His name is Mason, and we’ve only hooked up a few times. I like him, but he’s a bit possessive sometimes.”

“The good type of possessive?” she questioned, turning off her phone and setting it down, putting all her attention on me, tucking her shiny brown hair behind her ears. “Are you okay? You never told me about him.”

The telltale pressure behind my eyes arrived way too fast with her question, and I blinked quickly to clear the wetness. Are you okay?

No. I’m not. Not even a little bit.

“I’m okay,” I said. “I didn’t tell you because I don’t think it’s going to last.” I took a deep breath, feeling the truth in my second statement. That wasn’t the reason I never told Mila about Mason, but that didn’t make what I’d said any less true. We weren’t going to last. “He has a nice dick, though. I’m not suffering.”