Page 21 of Breathe Like Hell

“Okay, only if you’re sure.” Mila was still watching my face, and it was making me feel guilty. “I just want you to be safe.”

“I’m safe. Promise. Just getting fucked by a douchebag.” I forced a short laugh.

“I’ll choose to believe you on that, but would you share your location with me? Now that I know about this Mason guy, I want to know where you are in case anything happens.”

“I’ll share it with you. Can we move on, though?” An uncomfortable sensation was crawling along under my skin, like I was lying to her. Which I was, in a way. Lying by omission.

And just lying in general.

I wasn’t safe with Mason in any sense of the word.

Mila stared at me a moment longer before finally relenting, though the worried crease between her brows didn’t smooth, even as she picked her phone back up to check our food delivery progress. I hated making her worry, hated dumping my shit on her when she was dealing with enough as it was. Hated the lying, the pretending, all of it.

“Please don’t hate me,” I said quietly.

“Oh, my God! I could never hate you. Fucking ever. Even if you concealed a whole ass husband from me, I don’t think I’d ever find it in me to hate you for it. You’re in it for life with me, got it? I can’t survive without you, Kota.”

My heart squeezed, warmth spreading through the ice over my chest. Somehow, I’d never considered myself as a person that Mila might need. I needed her, couldn’t survive without her, but somehow, I never really considered she might feel the same way about me.

I didn’t consider myself as a thing that impacted other people’s lives, as a thing people thought of outside of my presence. I thought of myself as the background. Not a whole person.

Mila didn’t think of me like that, though.

“I can’t survive without you either.”

She leaned over to hug me on her knees, but lost balance due to the give of her mattress and we ended up in a pile on the fuzzy blanket, smiling and laughing. I had to wipe my eyes with my sleeves so I wouldn’t cry.

“Let’s go bother Vanya and Katya until Brian shows up.” Mila took my hand as she slid off her bed.

“Who the fuck is Brian?” I questioned, trailing behind her.

“Our delivery driver.”

“Oh.”

We went out to the living room, stealing half the space on the couch—much to Ivan’s dismay. Mila was undeterred, obviously. I was more envious of their relationship than I wanted to admit. They were cousins, but as close as siblings—without all the things my own sibling had tainted our relationship with, of course. I tried not to compare, but it was difficult sometimes. I often wondered how my relationship with Anthony would’ve panned out had he never turned into my real-life nightmare. Would we be like Mila and Ivan?

Eventually, Brian arrived at the door—after a few confused text exchanges with Mila about directions around her apartment complex—and we ate our food at the kitchen table.

Me

Are you actually going to pick me up? I would prefer to sleep over with my friend

Mason

It’s either my place or Micah’s until Aamon is dead

Me

How long until you kill him?

I was already feeling suffocated by the whole demon situation. I understood the danger, and it did scare me, but things weren’t good in any of my relationships right now, and I wished I could sleep in my own bed—or Mila’s. Some place where I didn’t feel on edge, a place where I could breathe.

But in the back of my head, I silently wished for the suffocation.

Mason

It’ll be soon. I’m leaving my apartment now to get you