Page 117 of Carousel

I tilt my head up at him. “Why did you leave it so long? You gave me one of your vague answers last time.”

“If I’ve ever given you a vague answer, it’s because you’ve not asked me a clear question,” he jokes. “And… it’s like I said. When you’re up here, and every day could be your last, it changes you. You think about the people you left behind – of course you do. But the war becomes everything. Nothing else even feels real.”

The truth is, I think I know what he means. I’ve been feeling like it, too.

He lets out a low, long breath, and holds me closer.

“Ara. I’m sorry. I haven’t been entirely honest with you. I probably could have visited you all on a couple of missions I’ve been on. But there was a reason I couldn’t.”

“What was it?”

He hesitates. “Is it okay if I tell you when we’re back on the ship? I just don’t want anything to spoil this perfect morning.”

The sentence hangs between us.

What reason would mean that our morning would be spoiled?

Something Riss had said gets caught and reeled in my mind.

He actually looks pretty good, considering.

“Want me to finish your massage?” he asks, bringing me back to this island, here, with him. “You seemed really tense.”

“Can I sit up this time?” I ask.

“Sure.”

I do, and he gets behind me, rubbing my shoulders. I relax more. His fingers on me, touching me in such sensitive places…

The feeling is back.

I find myself reaching for his hand, and pulling it around, and down right to where I’m seated on the sand and already getting wet.

He wastes no time. Touches me urgently, perfectly. It’s a good thing he’s done this to other girls, I try to tell myself. It made him get better at this, for me.

After a few more strokes, I stop him by placing my hand over his.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

I spin to face him.

He’s aroused.

Good.

“Can you get that tonic?” I whisper, trying not to blush.

He frowns. “I thought…”

I bring my lips to his. “I want you. And if we’re not going to do it here, in what must be the most beautiful place in the world…”

“I want you, too,” he breathes.

“So, have me,” I say.

He crashes into me, kissing me hard and fast.

With one hand, he fumbles for his jacket on the sand. Next thing I know is, he’s holding a tiny vial.