Page 88 of Line Change

I’m out. Sort of. I never deny I’m bi, but I don’t make announcements. My teammates know whatever they know. People online can find pictures of me at Pride and decide for themselves. It’s all plausible deniability, and I’ve lived with it long enough that most days I don’t care.

Tessa has nothing to do with hockey. She’s my friend, and sitting across from her with the truth stuck behind my teeth feels too much like being twenty again.

Hiding fucking sucks.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” she asks.

The answer is pressing against the inside of my mouth. “I can’t.”

Tessa’s eyes move over my face. She doesn’t ask why.

“Okay,” she says.

That nearly gets me. I drink more beer until it passes.

“Where’s the cake?” I ask.

Tessa lets me change the subject. “Micah forgot candles.”

“Of course he did.”

Tessa points toward the bar. “He says the bartender has some.”

The front door opens before I can volunteer to go find out. Adriel comes in carrying a small paper bag with tissue sticking out of the top. She spots Tessa and crosses the bar, leaning over the table to kiss her cheek.

“Happy birthday. Sorry I’m late.”

“You’re not late.” Tessa takes the bag. “Micah forgot the candles, so my birthday hasn’t technically started.”

“I brought matches.”

“See? This is why I like you.”

Micah and Ben reach the table while Adriel is taking off her coat. Micah is flushed from the game and looks much too pleased with himself. Ben catches my eye and tips his head once. I can’t tell who won, although Micah’s expression makes me suspect he cheated successfully.

“Adriel,” Micah says, before anyone else can speak. “This is Ben. Nolan’s boyfriend.”

Ben goes rigid beside him.

The word hits me in the chest, but I don’t look at Ben. Micah did this. He dropped the word into a conversation with somebody Ben has never met and left him to get out of it.

“Uh.” Ben looks at Adriel. “I’m Nolan’s friend. Ben.”

It still hurts. Less than it would have a week ago, because he is my friend. He’s also standing in Marlowe’s at Tessa’s birthday after spending most of the last week in my bed.

I want to smack Micah more than I want to do anything to Ben.

“Ignore him,” I tell Adriel. “He gets worse on birthdays.”

Tessa says Micah’s name in the same tone she uses when he’s about to change a correct trivia answer. His grin fades as he looks from Ben to me.

Adriel gives all of us one quick glance, then holds out her hand to Ben. “Nice to meet you, Ben.”

“You too.”

He pulls an empty chair next to mine, but his knee doesn’t find me under the table.

More people arrive. They pull over the remaining chairs and crowd around the ends of the tables. The bartender produces candles from somewhere, and we sing while Tessa covers her face with both hands. Adriel cuts the cake with a butter knife. Micah apologizes to me once when Ben is talking to somebody else, and I tell him we’ll deal with it later.