Page 29 of Teddy Tea Time

“She’ll be okay,” I do my best to reassure my little brother. “Just sit by her and don’t let anyone touch her anymore. I will be there in less than five minutes. I promise.”

Touching Ash when she’s like this can result in no response or it can trigger a primal one. I’m honestly grateful she didn’t respond to Gerry trying to hold her hand, but I can’t guarantee the same will happen if a random stranger touches her. Is it logical? Not in the slightest, but fear and anxiety are the farthest things from logic most of the time. Without knowing what set her off, I can’t begin to speculate how her mind will try to protect her body.

Still three fucking minutes away…

The center console lights up to show me Jackson’s text and I hit the call button immediately.

“Do not go near Ash or Gerry until I get there!” I practically yell as soon as the call connects.

I can see him from the intersection as he leans against the side of the restaurant, hopefully out of sight from Gerry inside. Thank goodness he isn’t going to push me on this.

“Seeing as how you never raise your voice, I’m assuming Ash is having an episode?”

I exhale heavily in relief that he understands without an explanation. Most of us that were around when Ash first moved up on Manor Drive remember the day Theo got thrown through the manor’s front window. Thank fuck it was before Lucky moved in because it took weeks to get all of the bloodstains cleaned up.

Honestly, I am surprised I manage to turn off the van before running into the restaurant after parking. Jackson follows, like I knew he would. It doesn’t take long to locate Ash and Gerry since they are the only people in the corner by the play area.

“Gerry, why don’t you go outside to help Jackson with Ash’s car?”

Ash tenses when the kid leaves her side. Only her eyes track him until he reaches my big brother, but they are devoid of her usual warmth. Once her eyes meet mine, nothing else matters. I have to go to her.

Somehow, I manage to get her up and walking out to the van while Jackson is entertaining Gerry by showing him how to operate a tow truck. While my attention is on the person in front of me, I almost miss the text from my brother.

Jackson:

go ahead and take Ash home. GB and I need some bonding time at the movies after I get the car back to the shop.

Twisting in my seat, I can see Gerry sitting in the cab of the tow truck and Jackson throws me a mock salute. My nod makes him smile, and Gerry waves enthusiastically as I drive past. I’m not sure what Jackson told him was going on, but I am grateful. My big brother might not be the most mature guy out there most days. Even so, there is no one on the planet I could ever imagine being more loyal or self-sacrificing. Maybe someday someone else will notice without taking advantage of him.

The drive home is the longest twenty minutes I can honestly ever remember experiencing. Even the agonizing waiting after they turned off the machines with David wasn’t this nerve wracking. Ash being unresponsive for this long is not something I have ever experienced before. Usually her disassociation attacks would last only a few minutes at most. The longest one was maybe ten minutes total before Theo got too close, and she tossed the man nearly twice her size through a window before jumping through after him to start beating the ever loving shit out of him. As much as I don’t want that to be me, I am also willing to let her do whatever she needs to me if it makes her feel better and come back to herself.

“Talk to me, Ash.” I try to coax her once we are inside the trailer.

She heads straight back to her bedroom instead of responding. I follow at a distance and let out a sigh of relief when the shower turns on. Any kind of conscious action means progress. While she is washing up, I am going to get the surprise I finished at the workshop yesterday for her. Having Gerry out for the evening makes it the perfect time. I don’t want her to feel pressured to answer a certain way because he is here.

Maybe Jackson can even keep Gerry at the house for a night?

26

ASH

Rational thought finally broke through when I recognized Jace. Then, came the mortification. I don’t understand why I shut down like that. Why can’t I have normal panic attacks? Why does this feral thing inside my brain take over when I’m overwhelmed like that?

The doctor Dad took me to as a teenager called it stress induced dissociative episodes once the neurologist confirmed I wasn’t having absence seizures.

The cooling water tells me that I have spent too long in the shower, so I turn the water off and grab my towel from the hook on the back of the door. Memories are pushing through and making me feel much less feminine than I did when I started today, so I wrap the towel around my waist and head into the bedroom in search of shorts and a t-shirt. I’m not even going to bother with underwear right now because I can feel myself slipping back and forth with the way my brain is going a mile a minute.

“Up for a vent session?” Jace asks through the door after knocking. “I hid some tiramisu from the kid earlier.”

For the first time since my car failed to start, a memory comes through that makes me smile. Years ago, I got to be the one to introduce Jace and Jackson to tiramisu for the first time. It was also the first time any of us saw Jace deny his big brother anything. My Biker Bear physically lifted his brother over his shoulder, carried him to the basement of the manor, and locked him in the theater room before coming back to the kitchen to devour the rest of the pan.

He’s not mine, though.

The smile slips from my face as I open the door to follow Jace back to the main living area of the trailer. On the coffee table in front of the sectional, he has set up two mugs of coffee and a giant square of cake. Sharing a dessert… oh, fuck it.

I want to pretend, just for one more night.

“I want to ask you something,” he stammers out when I sit in front of my mug featuring a unicorn wearing a tie and a tiara. “But you can talk first if you want to. I’ll always listen to you no matter what. You… matter to me… a whole fucking lot, Ash.”