Page 28 of Teddy Tea Time

y? what happened?

Before I can type my response, our food is ready. I guess the upside to being broke and ordering so little is fast service. I carry the tray to a corner booth where I can see both Gerry and my giant lawn ornament. The kid runs back to me and starts stuffing his face with fries. After opening up the sweet and sour sauce for me and the ranch for him, I pick my phone back up.

Me:

car wont start. Ger and I are at mcdonalds so that we don’t roast

I just need to know if u get a discount so that I know how much of the clothing I have to return to cover it.

**:

y would u have to return anything?

Me:

to pay for the tow

The three dots appear, disappear, and reappear multiple times before I set the phone down and start eating my own nuggets. Gerry seems content to play with his toy for now, so I let myself feel the frustration a bit more than I normally would.

I have done everything in my power to make sure the kid doesn’t get the shit end of the stick when it comes to normal childhood experiences. My parents never let me feel money troubles, and I don’t want Gerry to have one more worry on his head.

Hell, my financial situation isn’t even his problem… except when my life fucks up when he’s with me. Starting next week, it won’t affect him anymore. I’ll be back at work and he will be splitting his time between Jace’s workshop and the community center until school starts up.

He looks up to show off something cool with the toy from his meal, and it’s like a punch to the gut. I’m going to fucking miss this kid so much. Every day of the last few months has been hilarious and heart-wrenching and…

I can’t fucking do it.

I can’t go back to being just neighbors.

I can’t go back to before I knew what it was like being with them, with Jace.

For the first time in my life, I feel wholly accepted and loved. It will break me to go back.

“Brother Bear, I think something’s wrong with Ash.”

I hear the words, but nothing can stop the pain of my heart shredding in my chest. Something is very much wrong with me. I don’t belong anywhere.

25

JACE

After texting Jackson to get a truck over to the shopping center for Ash’s car, I call them before hopping in the van to go pick them and Gerry up at the McDonald’s. Instead of Ash, Gerry answers the call with obvious worry in his voice.

“Brother Bear, I think something’s wrong with Ash.”

My heart is suddenly in my throat and my foot presses a bit heavier on the accelerator. The cops around here don’t give a fuck about speed anyway outside of the school year and when they need to meet their quotas.

“What’s goin on there Ger-Bear?”

The kid had the idea that all of us in the family need a “bear” nickname because Jackson likes to call me “Baby Bear” and he has heard the guys from the manor call me “TB” or “Teddy Bear” a few times, so I’ve indulged him with it. The first time he called Justice “Lawyer Bear” was priceless. Names are really not his forte.

“She looked really sad and then dropped her nugget and she’s crying but she’s not making any noise and… is Ash going to be alright? She isn’t holding my hand back.”

Shit. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Fuck.

I am still at least five minutes out.

Ash hasn’t had a dissociative anxiety attack in a while. They used to happen a lot more often back when they… she first moved in. The attacks usually only happen when she would have the time to overthink things. As long as she stayed engaged in some activity, she was fine, but too much time to think allows intrusive thoughts to take root. At least that’s what she told me when we were working the bar during her first New Year’s Eve at the club.