Page 33 of Twisted Love

“He’s not, is he?” She swiped at the tears that brimmed over her eyes, angry at herself for getting into this mess. “But stupid me, here I am, wanting what I can’t have. Actually, that’s not that unusual for me.”

Keily had never admitted to how much she’d lied to get the job as Logan’s personal assistant to anyone and she wasn’t about to now. Still, she knew that lie had led her to where she was now so maybe it was time to rethink her strategy on how to approach life.

“How’s school going?” Rosa finally changed the subject, her brows knitted as she looked over at her friend.

“It’s good, really. It keeps me busy and I’m working on an idea that I’d like to talk with Logan about, but you know, he’s not around.” Keily rolled her eyes and took a drink from her glass filled with red wine.

“What is it?” Rosa let the subject change carry on, even if Keily had mentioned the man again.

“It’s a self-defense perfume. I’ve just got to work out a few kinks.” Keily went over to get a notebook from the dining table and brought it back. “It would put off a powerful smell if the wearer was attacked, enough that it might convince the attacker to leave the person alone.”

“You mean like skunk spray?” Rosa looked doubtful, but she didn’t say it was a stupid idea. Even if the look on her face told Keily it was.

“I hadn’t thought about that, but yeah, I guess it is. Only you’d always have it on, you wouldn’t have to pull out a canister or press a button.”

“But wouldn’t it activate if you’re at a club where it’s all hot and steamy, especially if you’re dancing? Wouldn’t that trigger a response?”

“That’s my problem. I have to do more research on pheromones, body temperatures, whether there are differences in reactions to fear or excitement, what if the wearer was in a car accident and had the perfume on? I think I might have to pan the idea, but I thought I’d like to do something that’s in line with the products Logan produces.” Keily shrugged and turned a page in the notebook. “I also need to figure out if there’s even a way to produce a reaction like that with perfume. I don’t know, maybe I should just give up and try to find a job as an executive personal assistant again.”

“No, don’t do that, Keily. Don’t talk yourself down from something that brings you to life this much.” Rosa’s stern voice drew Keily’s eyes up from the notebook. “Your whole life people have used you and thrown you away. Nobody has ever loved you. Your parents used you for money, Joe used you as a fashion accessory, your sister used you as a babysitter, and Logan has used you too. For sex. And now he seems to be throwing you away. All of them are the stupid ones if you ask me.”

“To be fair, Violet did let me live with her.” Keily pointed out, but Rosa shook her head.

“No, honey, she still wanted to use you. Okay, so it sounds like you were a complete and utter bitch to her, but still. You’ve tried to make amends and she’s still mad that you wouldn’t babysit. That doesn’t sound like love.”

“I might have said some mean things to her…” Keily admitted, not for the first time.

“Keily, you’re what, twenty-five? What 25-year-old hasn’t said mean things? Or am I just hating everybody because it seems like I’m the only person in your life that’s ever loved who you are? Who you really are.” Rosa reached out with her right hand and took Keily’s left hand in hers. “I do love who you are. I love that you’re a fighter, that you’re independent, and that you’re a bitch, but you’re willing to learn not to be one and to admit when you’re wrong.”

“Not always.” Keily started but then did a weird little sob-laugh as she looked up at her friend, touched by what Rosa had said. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, it’s true. You’re willing to change but you need to stop changing to try to be what you think people want you to be.” Rosa let go of her hand and leaned back against the couch again. “You have to learn to be you all the time, Keily.”

“I know.” Keily sighed and looked away again.

“Don’t let him break your heart, Keily, please. I’d hate to see that happen.” Rosa said after a quiet moment. Keily glanced up, seeing her own thoughts in her friend’s face. It was too late for that.

Her heart was already breaking.

It had never really been broken before. She’d been upset about her parents, Violet, and Joe. But heartbroken? No, she hadn’t felt this pain, this fear that she felt after Logan had avoided her for three weeks. Was it over and he just couldn’t tell her? She didn’t want to think about it anymore.

“Well, you have a late date to get to, so I’ll stop blubbering in your lap and let you get home to get ready.” Keily laughed a little to let Rosa know she was okay. “Not that you need to do much, you’re beautiful as you are.”

“You’re such a flatterer.” Rosa leaned over to hug Keily with a little laugh of her own. “Will you be alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” Keily answered quickly. Maybe too quickly. She would be though, she had plenty of homework to do and that would fill the quiet hours.

For now, all she could do was focus her energy on the classes and hope that Logan would let her know, one way or another, that this was either over or he’d come back to her.

“I hope so. But, if you need me, call me, alright? I’ll come right over. No matter what it is you need.” Rosa hugged her a little tighter before she let go and stood up. “I’ll call you tomorrow, either way.”

“I’ll be waiting.” Keily stood up to see Rosa out and waved as the other woman walked down the sidewalk.

She was alone again. Alone with her thoughts, her worry, and her sadness. It was eating her alive, this overwhelming feeling of loss. The first week she was able to brush off her worries, able to ignore the niggling feeling of doubt. Logan had left in the night, without a word, but she’d ignored the sting of that until week two.

Now, she was on week three and found herself crying at the drop of a hat.

What the hell was wrong with her?