Page 34 of Twisted Love

This being nice thing had taken a toll on her, she knew that much. She used to have a cold heart that cared little about others and didn’t let people disappearing from her life bother her. Now she was…heartbroken.

Was she actually in love with Logan? Was that it? Had being nice, changing her ways, and acting like a real human being, not the robot her mother wanted and trained her to be, royally fucked her up? Her phone chimed and her heart fluttered.

It was the sound she’d assigned to Logan.

How are you? His text read.

Frowning, she stabbed at the keyboard. Fine.

Good to hear.

Good to hear? Good to fucking hear? Her blood felt as if it had started to boil in her veins and her face went hot as anger flooded through her. Good to hear? He hadn’t even bothered to call to actually hear her say it. He’d sent another text message.

She put her phone down to keep herself from typing something she might regret.

Words like ‘go fuck yourself’, ‘don’t bother’, and ‘I’m done with you’ might come out. Words she’d said to Joe when she was angry with him, but not words she wanted to say to Logan. Alright, she did, she felt like saying them would release some of this hurt and anger, but would it accomplish anything?

The phone chimed again.

What’s wrong? The message asked.

I miss you. I want to see you. It’s been three weeks, Logan. Why are you avoiding me? Do you hate me now?

She typed the message out with a swipe of her fingers, fixed the words auto-correct decided were meant to be other words, then hit send. And waited.

I’ll drop by later this evening.

The rage ebbed away, as did the hurt, forced out of her body by the happy pounding of her heart. He would be over. Tonight. Thank fuck.

Great, I’ll be waiting.

And she would be, she decided. She ran into the bathroom after she cleared away the signs of the dinner she’d shared with Rosa, took a shower, and did her hair and makeup. Her hair was in lustrous golden curls down her back and her makeup perfectly highlighted her light gray eyes. They’d been the color of an angry rainstorm over the last few weeks, but now that Logan was coming over, their shade had lightened with her mood.

She went to her lingerie drawer and looked inside. She took out the black silk and lace garter belt she’d found at a boutique, a pair of lacy black stockings, and a black lace bra. To the lingerie, she added a white silk robe that skimmed around her mid-thigh and his favorite pair of black heels. She didn’t need anything else, she decided, until she spotted the pendant on a fine gold chain that he’d sent her earlier in the week. A butterfly cast in gold with tiny diamonds accenting the wings.

She’d always loved butterflies and had thought the gift was wonderful, if unnecessary. But she’d wear it tonight. For him.

There were no moments lost on second-guessing herself or castigating herself for being his toy. She wanted to be with him, however that happened. She didn’t know if she loved him, if she was capable of loving anyone, except Rosa of course, but she thought…maybe she did.

Memories of their time together flooded into her brain as she waited, another glass of wine in her hand. She wanted to relax before he got there, unwind some so that she wouldn’t come off like some needy schoolgirl with her first boyfriend. By the time she finished the drink the sun had disappeared and she was nodding off to the soft music playing in the background.

It was after 10 pm, but he’d said later this evening. That could be any time at all. Just because he hadn’t arrived yet didn’t mean he’d bailed on her. Maybe she’d just have a little nap, she decided, as the alcohol in the wine tugged her into a peaceful sleep. She’d barely slept over the last week, even though she needed the rest to do her homework with any kind of ability. She’d turned in a few assignments with misspellings, but her instructors had let it pass.

When she woke up at 2 am, needing the bathroom, she knew he wasn’t coming. She looked at her phone, disappointment bringing tears to her eyes. She cleaned her face, changed into a nightgown, and went to bed. Alone.

Why had he lied to her?

18

Logan

He’d didn’t hate her, and it hurt that Keily had even asked him that. He’d stayed away to protect her, to keep her from the abuse he might pile on her in the wake of his nightmares. The dream hadn’t stopped plaguing him and that always turned him into an asshole. Not the physically abusive kind of asshole, but the kind that might say things he didn’t want to say to her anymore. Nasty things that would break her.

He’d stayed away from her to protect her, to keep her from having to shoulder the burden of his misery. He was an exhausted mess and he didn’t want to expose her to that. Sleepless nights, busy days, left him running on empty. Those weren’t his best times.

He realized how long he’d avoided her when she asked him that question. It had been far too long and he wondered if some time with her might help him. He missed her too, whether he liked it or not.

Waking up every night with the smell of his own burning flesh in his nose, knowing it was only a memory and not real, but still smelling it, didn’t make him the kind of person anyone should have to be around the next day. He knew that and knew Keily didn’t deserve his current…state.