Page 31 of Dancing With Redemption

“I don’t mind staying in here with you, Mommy. I know you have the bad dreams, and I don’t want you to wake up alone,” Lily said, wisdom beyond her years coming out in a way that surprised Roxie.

“Thank you, honey, but I’ll be okay. I will, I promise.” Roxie knew she’d interrupted Lily’s new routine enough. It was time her daughter had some kind of normalcy back. There was a security team outside, even if all the threats against Roxie had been neutralized. Lincoln would never allow another night to go by without actual people watching out for them all. Lily would be safe in her room.

“If you’re sure, Mommy. Can I watch Stephanie until I fall asleep?” Lily asked, and Roxie agreed. Stephanie was a science cartoon character for young girls, a cartoon that Roxie could definitely appreciate.

“Thanks, Mommy.” Lily kissed her mom and jumped off the bed. No doubt to run to her room and turn the TV on.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay, Rox?” Lincoln prodded, making Roxie turn her eyes to him.

“I’m having a rough time right now. I’ll be alright soon. I promise.” Her smile was a little too flat, but it was all she could muster at that moment.

“Do you want to talk to a professional?” Lincoln asked, his eyes on his hands, not her. He didn’t want her to feel shame about any of it, she could sense that.

“Maybe, yes. It might be best.” She had to acknowledge it at some point. She’d been through hell and might need some help dealing with that. It was one thing talking to your lover or best friend, but a professional could help in ways that the others couldn’t. A therapist had the tools and skills to help her through this.

“I’ll find one for you tomorrow then. I’ll get the best I can find.” He stood back up, but stepped away from the bed. He was being extra careful to not make her feel threatened, which she appreciated, even if she couldn’t say it out loud.

“Thank you, Lincoln.” The words came out woodenly, but that couldn’t be helped either. She was on the verge of bursting out in tears again, and she simply didn’t want to. Not because he was there but because she hated how weak she felt when she cried.

“I’ll leave you, then. If you need me, you know where I am.” He stepped away, but paused at the door. “Even if I’m asleep, Rox, please wake me up if you want me. I know things are weird between us right now, but I will always be here for you, however you need me.”

“Thanks. That means a lot to me.” She couldn’t look him in the eye though, mainly because she couldn’t say the same back. She wasn’t sure she could say that to anyone but her daughter and unborn baby right now.

“Good night,” he said and closed the door on his way out.

Roxie stared at the door for a long time, but she didn’t get up. Instead, she put another movie on, an old one about a hospital with a lot of coma patients, and fell asleep. For the first time since she’d woken up in the hospital, she slept peacefully and without nightmares.

When she woke up the next morning, Lincoln was making breakfast for Lily and getting her ready for school.

“Hi, Roxie. Listen, you have two doctor appointments today,” he said, sliding a paper with names, times, and addresses on them. “I have to work, but if you want me to go with you to either, I will.”

“Okay, what’s the first one?” She asked, noting the name but not seeing what each doctor was for.

“B-A-B-Y doctor,” Lincoln spelled the word out, making Lily roll her eyes.

“I can spell, Daddy. Mommy’s not a baby, why does she need a baby doctor?” Lily asked, frowning.

“Because sometimes mommies need to see them,” Lincoln said, which wasn’t really an answer, but Lily accepted it.

“Okay. Do you want to go to that one?” Roxie waited for him to answer. He nodded, shooting her a glance that said he really wanted to go. “Alright, you can come. The second one?”

He looked at her steadily for a few seconds. “I’ll take you if you need the moral support. I think you’ll want to do that one alone, don’t you?”

That was the therapist then. “If you want to come to the first appointment, that’s fine. And you can drive me to the second one.”

“That’s fine,” he answered her with a slight smile.

It was a step, a small one, but still a step.

At least he had the sense to know she needed help with all of this. He hadn’t made her feel bad, or like she was crazy, he’d just accepted that all of this was bigger than either of them and he’d done what needed to be done. He was still taking charge, but at least it was in a proper direction.

And he’d also had his own experience with kidnapping, Roxie thought, as he bundled Lily up with her schoolbag and took her off to school. Nathan had kept him locked in a storage unit for days, and he’d managed to shake it all off. Or it seemed he had, anyway.

Perhaps that was why he’d demanded total custody of Lily, it was his way of taking back his control. And perhaps that’s why he’d acted like such a dick to Roxie when he found out about Lily, something else that had been decided without his consent. Roxie had kept Lily a secret from him, taking away more of his control. Which was no excuse to be a dick to her, seeing as how she’d only done that to protect him, but she hadn’t quite explained that well, if she remembered it all correctly.

The last few weeks before her trip to New York were kind of a blur. She looked at the first name on the paper and wondered what the doctor would say. When she was in the hospital in New York, an ultrasound hadn’t been able to determine exactly how far along she was, other than maybe three months, maybe four. June hadn’t been certain, though she’d tried her best.

When Roxie sat down to try to think of exactly when she might have gotten pregnant, all she could recall was that first time they were together. Since then, she’d had Nathan to deal with, Lincoln’s kidnapping, and his rejection of her once he found out about Lily. Then there’d been her own kidnapping, and that made dates and other important facts a little blurry in her head. She couldn’t remember what month he’d come back into her life, or exactly what day they’d first had sex again, without protection.

She’d gone back through text messages and everything else, but none of it added up to exactly when she got pregnant. It could be three or four months, and June had said it could be four when she did the ultrasound on Roxie. The baby was either four months old or a big three-month-old. Roxie had no clue.

Which would sound stupid when she explained it to the Ob/Gyn down here, but she wouldn’t know about the last few months of Roxie’s life. It wasn’t until she sat down and thought about it all, tried to pin down a conception date, that she realized exactly how much shit she’d been through in such a short period.

But perhaps Lincoln had realized and knew a therapist was the best answer for helping her to get through it all. He should probably see one too, she thought, but wouldn’t push. That was something a person had to decide for themself, and Roxie knew that she needed to do this for her child, and the one about to be born. And maybe for the sake of the relationship she would have with Lincoln, romantic or not.