Page 32 of Dancing With Redemption

16

Roxie

Amonth passed peacefully, with Roxie going to therapy three times a week at first, and then once a week for the past two weeks. Lincoln always took her to every session, picked her up, and when she needed some peace and quiet he’d take her back home, to the beach behind his house, to walk on her own. Sometimes she wanted company and he’d take the whole family out to a restaurant where Lily could play with other kids on the playgrounds while they waited for their food.

She wasn’t miraculously cured of her trauma, but she was on the road to recovery, she could feel it. She could also feel her baby now, in the bulge of her stomach and in small kicks and flutters in her abdomen. And the room that remained locked in Lincoln’s house? That wasn’t so scary now, even if she made a point not to even look at the door when she walked by it.

Time created distance from her memories, from the awfulness of that night, and life with her daughter created a barrier from that darkness. Life goes on, wasn’t that what people said so often? And for Roxie, it did.

Only there was still the question lodged between Lincoln and her of what the future held. At one point, she’d considered a future with him in it. She’d almost thought about home, and babies, with days spent picking out furniture while their nights were spent wrapped up together. Then Nathan happened and the main secret she’d hidden from Lincoln for far too long came out. He’d lost it completely when he found out about Lily and that was understandable.

She’d been able to unpack everything, one thing at a time, in her therapy sessions. Since then, she’d come to grips with the fact that she’d never be Chloe again, even if she was set to start using her legal name for everything else in her life. She even had a new bank account, with her real name, and had her old car changed from a friend’s name to her own now. She’d been innovative in finding solutions to life in hiding, but she was finished hiding now.

Everyone she knew would continue to call her Roxie, but she’d begun an imaginary fusing of her past with her present. She was becoming a whole person whose life was separated by one single event. To an extent, that event had changed her into this new person that she was, but being Roxie now was a choice she made without the fear that forced her to be someone else, and that was the most important part.

Lincoln was there for her in every way she’d allow him to be. The way he’d distanced himself from her when he found out about Lily still stung a great deal and she couldn’t bring herself to take down the wall that had come up after he rescued her from Celeste. That pain was still too much to get past for someone who’d endured far too much already.

She remembered something else Marie had said to her before she’d gone flown off with her husband back to their sanctuary. Technically, the position as head of the family was Marie’s, as she was her father’s daughter, but she was happy for Matteo to take the position he was groomed for. She didn’t want anything to do with it, so she’d gladly let him take on the role.

Roxie realized that’s what she was doing with Lincoln. He’d taken on the role as head of their small family. She hated the fact that it was what had happened with Celeste that made her second guess her judgment, but she had a feeling he would have done that anyway. She didn’t complain, though she did wish she could be the independent woman she used to be again.

But then, she had to admit in one of her therapy sessions that it was kind of nice letting someone else make decisions for her. With time, she knew that independent streak would come back, her confidence was recovering every day, but she still wasn’t ready to fly on her own. Besides, Lincoln didn’t seem to mind leading the way.

June came to visit five weeks after Roxie’s tragic trip to New York. Roxie took her out to lunch while Lincoln went Christmas shopping with Lily.

“You know they’re going to come home with a room full of toys, don’t you?” June joked as the waiter brought them both glasses of seltzer water with lemon.

“I do, and I’ll have a tough time getting Lincoln to understand he’s spoiling her.” Roxie sipped at the glass of water, her eyes hidden behind sunglasses. She wore a slightly longer wig today, still blonde, but the air was cold, so she’d chosen the wig with hair that came down to a spot between her shoulders. Her fingers tugged at the bottom of the wig, to make sure it hadn’t moved.

“Are you wearing those all the time now?” June asked, without making it obvious what she was talking about.

“Not at home. Lily thinks it’s funny that I can change my appearance so much. And she likes to play with them.” Roxie stuck a finger under the wig, feeling the hair that was little more than silky stubble underneath it. “I went to a beautician down here, once it was certain that my stitches had healed, and had it all cut to the same length. It’ll take forever, but it will grow back.”

“It will, honey. How’s the baby?” June’s eyes were hidden behind sunglasses too, but Roxie could tell her smile was genuine.

“He’s fine. Definitely a he. No ambiguity there, at all.” Roxie showed June the ultrasound picture and laughed when June saw why the baby had been declared a he.

“Are they sure that’s not another arm?” June laughed, but she knew better than Roxie how to read an ultrasound, it was part of her job as a fertility specialist.

“You’d know better than me,” Roxie replied, patting her belly. “I’m just the incubator.”

“Oh, you’re more than that, hush.” June waved away the notion with her hand and frowned. “I’m sure Lincoln doesn’t think of you that way.”

“I don’t know how he thinks of me, to be honest. It’s not something we talk about anymore.” Roxie sat back, not defensively, but to distance herself from the question. “Maybe someday down the line, but right now, we aren’t a couple. We’re two people who live in the same house because we have a child together. I don’t know if it will ever change, even after the new baby.”

“I’m sorry, Roxie. I know you care deeply for him. And he does you. Life sucks sometimes,” June pouted, but it wasn’t malicious. “I really wanted you two to have your happy ever after.”

“I know. It’s not happening, though. I think we’re both too broken to let it happen,” Roxie sighed, although it was the truth.

“I hope not. Have you thought about names?” June changed the subject so fast it nearly made Roxie’s head spin.

“Michael. I’m not sure. I keep coming back to Michael.” Even saying it made her smile. It just felt like the right name for her son.

“I like it. Traditional, strong, a good name. What does Lincoln think?” June sat back in her chair, a smile still on her face.

“Oh, he wants to name him after Kai and Trevon one minute, and then he wants to name him something with an L in the next, to match him and Lily. And Liam of course, which I kind of agree with. Michael Liam Young works, doesn’t it?” Roxie pondered the name and decided she liked it.

“I think that would make Liam and Dad both very happy.” June sniffled a little, her emotions getting the best of her. “It’s just so touching.”