Page 47 of Not Mine To Love

Something inside me didn’t want to believe that Julius was a bad guy. But he had to be, right? I wasn’t entirely to blame, nor was he, but he had more to lose, more at stake. He hadn’t invited me over. He hadn’t invited me in. I created that situation. And there was no denying that I was attracted to him from the start. But he was taken, and I needed to constantly remind myself of that.

We were both to blame, but I had a feeling that more of that blame fell on me. God, I had issues.

When the brunch or whatever it was ended, I made my way to the car, only to see Julius leaning against it.

“We need to talk,” he said, not bothering to move.

“No… we don’t need to talk.” I had already decided that I would never be alone with him again since it appeared that I couldn’t control myself or my actions when Julius was involved.

“Yeah, we do.”

“Get off my car.” I tried to sound intimidating, but my voice shook, belying my false fierceness. To my surprise, though, he stepped away from my door.

“Go away before someone sees you talking to me,” I hissed as I pulled the door open and climbed in.

He seemed unconcerned and closed my door for me before continuing. “If someone sees us talking, they’ll just assume I have questions for you. No biggie. But we do need to talk, clear the air—"

“Nope,” I said, putting the key in the ignition.

“Come on, Becca.”

“Don’t come on Becca me. We need to be far, far away from each other.” I rubbed a frustrated hand through my hair. “Look at what we did. We were pawing at each other like sex-crazed bunnies. You’re getting married, and look at what we’re doing,” I harshly whispered to him.

“I’m not getting married.”

I was stunned. Oh no. Oh no. What had I done?

“No, no, no… you’re getting married, mister.”

He gave a small smile. “No, I’m not. And by the way, I like it when you’re trying to sound tough. It’s cute.”

I ignored his comment and found it kind of lame. “You can’t… you can’t do this to Ana. You can’t.”

He looked taken aback. “Do this to Ana? She’s the one who told me to go for it.”

Now it was my turn to look taken aback. “I’m sorry. I’m just having a hard time digesting what you just said. So you think she would be okay with her future husband having sex with other women?”

“It’s not… We’re not”—he paused and tried again—“Ana’s my friend, but our relationship isn’t exactly how you believe it to be.”

“Oh my gosh… are you guys swingers? Ana looks way too sweet for that…”

He laughed, but I ignored him and kept talking, “You guys are, aren’t you? I should have known.”

He opened his mouth, but I continued to talk, not giving him the opportunity to confirm or deny what I had guessed.

“Are you guys one of those open marriage couples?

I knew there was a lot of judgement in my tone, and although I was in no position to judge that didn’t stop me. He didn’t respond; instead, he got really close to me, just within kissing distance, and plucked something out of my hair.

I laughed nervously and tried to move away. He easily blocked me and reached down and grabbed me by my chin. “You’re wrong. Is that a good enough answer?”

I shook my head, but the way he was looking at me made me want to reconsider my response. Snap out of it, my conscience shouted at me.

“Listen, I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” I pulled away, and he jumped back quickly trying to avoid the wheels of my car.

I heard him swear, and I felt bad and yelled sorry from the window as I drove away.

I had almost run him over, but he kind of deserved it. He wasn’t going to marry Ana? Oh God, what had I done?