Page 74 of The Duke’s Matchmaker

But she wasn’t by his side.

She would never be there.

“I need to get out of the house.” He got to his feet again.

“I think that’s a good idea,” Jonathan said, rising as well, glancing at the glass of liquor. “Shall we go for a ride? My horse is ready, and perhaps it would be good to do something active.”

Nathaniel nodded. A ride sounded perfect. At any rate, it would be better than sitting around here stewing over everything that had gone wrong. At least it would give him a chance to try to think about something else, though he didn’t know whether he would even be capable of that.

The truth was that he didn’t know if he even wanted it.

As terrible as it was, as much as it hurt, being heartbroken over Dorothy was probably better than the alternative. Because the alternative would be getting over that heartbreak. Getting over the way he was feeling about her.

And once he had done that, there would be no connection left between the two of them at all.

CHAPTER 37

“What you need to be thinking about,” Jonathan said as the two of them rode along the edge of the river, “is why she’s reacting to you the way she is.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, everyone saw that kiss,” Jonathan said.

“You didn’t,” Nathaniel pointed out. “You only read about it in the scandal sheets.”

“I didn’t only read about it,” Jonathan reminded him. “My wife was there, and she saw it. She told me what she saw, which was Dorothy kissing you every bit as much as you were kissing her. She told me that even when she and a few other people had come into the room, Dorothy didn’t pull away. She said she wasn’t sure, but she thought you were the one who pulled away first.

“I’m not sure either.” Nathaniel pulled his horse to a halt and looked out over the water. “That part all happened so quickly…I don’t know.”

“But the point is,” Jonathan pressed on, “she liked it. She liked that kiss. She wanted it as much as you did. That’s why it happened the way it did. If she hadn’t enjoyed it, she probably wouldn’t have allowed it at all, or if she had allowed it, she’d have seized on the moment of distraction to bring it to an end. Don’t you think that’s true?”

“Even if it is, what difference does it make?” Nathaniel asked wearily. “So, she enjoyed a kiss. Anybody would.”

“No, that isn’t right,” Jonathan said. “You’re thinking like a gentleman right now. You need to try to approach this by thinking like a lady.”

“You want me to think like a lady,” Nathaniel repeated dryly. “What does that entail?”

“It’s one thing for you or I to go around kissing people,” Jonathan said. “We would be branded as rakes and scoundrels, and society would disapprove. But it would be different for a lady, and you know that. A lady can be ruined by such a thing. It can dramatically alter the course of her life. A lady wouldn’t kiss you just because kissing is pleasant. She would need a much better reason than that. She would be thinking about the possible repercussions, and in order to overcome those things, she would need the kiss to be very alluring indeed. It would need to be so tempting that she could hardly resist. At least, for a composed lady like Dorothy, it would need to be that way.”

“You say that as if you know her.”

“I know her as well as any man, I would say. My wife is one of her closest friends, and we do talk about these things,” Jonathan said. “And besides, it’s easy to see if you spend time around her. She isn’t the sort of lady to do things hastily or without thought.”

“She is very thoughtful,” Nathaniel allowed.

“That’s right. Which means that if she was tempted by a kiss, she would have considered what the outcome might be. And to follow through with it, she must have decided she wanted it more than she feared the consequences. Why would she feel that way? Just because kissing is enjoyable?”

“If you’re driving at something then just say it,” Nathaniel urged. “I don’t want to play guessing games.”

Jonathan looked over at him. Nathaniel was aware of it, could see it in periphery, but he didn’t look back. He didn’t want to make eye contact with his friend.

“She cares for you too,” Jonathan said. “She feels something, Nathaniel, and you know it. She must, or she wouldn’t have kissed you back. Not like that.”

Nathaniel was quiet for a long time. This was exactly what he wanted to believe. But also, it was too good to be true. He couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t safe to think of things in those terms, because the moment he let himself believe that Dorothy cared for him, he wouldn’t be able to prevent himself from thinking there was some way back to her.

There wasn’t, of course. There couldn't be.

When he was able to speak, he did so through gritted teeth. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “You must see that it doesn’t matter. You’re speaking to me about feelings, Jonathan, but this is about reality. This is about the truth of our situation. She has rejected me. Why would you try to convince me that she feels something now? What difference can that possibly make?”