Page 75 of The Duke’s Matchmaker

“But, of course, it matters,” Jonathan said urgently, abandoning his casual tone now and turning to face Nathaniel head-on. “She didn’t reject you out of a lack of interest, Nathaniel, or out of any dislike. She had another reason, and don’t you want to know what that reason was before you walk away from this altogether? Don’t you want to discover what was behind her dismissal? It was not disinterest, so it must have been something else, and you know that I’m right about that. Think through your actions. This is a small window of opportunity, and it’s already beginning to close. Make sure you are doing what you want to do.”

Nathaniel drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, struggling to process his friend’s words.

Doing what he wanted to do?

What did that even mean under the circumstances? What could it mean? He had no choices left but to walk away and accept what Dorothy had said to him. She wasn’t going to marry him, and that was that. He could hardly refuse that answer. It was for her to give, and he had no interest in making her feel bullied into a marriage.

He recalled the things she’d said to him during their too-brief time together. Everyone had thought the two of them were involved in a courtship, she had said. That had worried her. And then there was the thought that she might spend too much time with him and divert him from finding a mother for Colin.

When he thought of it that way, it did seem as though her feelings for him might have always been there, but that she had always been reluctant to act upon them. Maybe Jonathan was onto something. What could her reason have been? Why had it bothered her so deeply to think that people might have the wrong idea about the two of them?

Why did she never marry? I always wondered. She’s a lovely young lady. She could have married if she had wanted to. I’m sure someone would have had her, even if she is a wallflower—the moment anyone spoke to her, they would understand how bright and witty she is. They would understand how good it is to spend time with her, and they would want her around. They’d fall in love with her. Just as I did.

Why hadn’t it happened? Why hadn’t anyone seen her for how wonderful she was and asked her for her hand?

Or perhaps there was something else behind it?

She doesn’t want to marry. That was the only explanation, and though such things were a rarity among ladies, he knew at once that he was right. If she had wished to marry, she would have been married by now.

If she had wished to marry, she wouldn’t have turned him down.

“It’s not me she rejected,” he said aloud, following through on that line of thought. “It’s the marriage itself. She would have said no to anyone who had asked her.”

“Do you think so?” Jonathan asked.

For the first time since they had stopped, Nathaniel turned to look at his friend. “Do you disagree?”

“I don’t,” Jonathan said. “But I don’t know her the way you do.”

“You just said that you felt you knew her fairly well.”

“And so I do. But you know her far better than I do, Nathaniel. All this time you’ve spent with her, I’m sure you have insights that I don’t. I think you’re onto something, though. I do know that Violet despaired of her ever finding a husband, and not because she felt that Dorothy wouldn’t have any prospects. She thought Dorothy wouldn’t choose to marry. So, it makes sense to me that you’ve reached the same conclusion.”

“The question is why, then,” Nathaniel mused. “Why would she be so averse to marriage that she would turn down a man she cares for?”

“Is it…possible Colin is the reason?” Jonathan asked him gently. “I hate to suggest it. But I do see how that could be a difficult thing for a lady to accept—becoming a mother to someone else’s child.”

“Yes, it could,” Nathaniel agreed. “But I don’t think that was the problem in this case. She met Colin. She liked him very much.” He sighed. “I was a fool not to see it. If there was any lady in the world who would have made the right mother for him, it was Dorothy. No one will ever be as good a fit for that role as she would have been, and I’m sure that she knew it. She’d have wanted to be his mother every bit as much as I would have wanted her to be. The truth is, I believe that if she could somehow have him without having me, she would have done it.”

“Then why?” Jonathan asked. “What could make a lady so averse to marriage, when there’s a gentleman she cares for? Does she have some idea that a marriage would be an unpleasant thing to be a part of?”

Nathaniel didn’t answer for several moments. He stood still, considering the question.

And then, all at once, the pieces fell into place. “It’s her sisters.”

“It’s what?”

“Her sisters. They’re both widows. They’ve both lost their husbands. Seeing that happen…it must have impacted her. Of course it did. She saw them go through the grief of losing the lives they’d planned, and she fears facing that same sort of pain.”

“She has no reason to believe that such a thing would happen to you,” Jonathan objected.

“I’m sure her sisters had no reason to think it would happen to their husbands either. These things happen, and they take people by surprise, Nathaniel said. “It must be the worst surprise a person can suffer…I just can’t imagine.”

He didn’t want to imagine it. The thought of losing the person you loved in such a dreadful way made him ache inside, even though it hadn’t happened to him. Here he was, distraught and miserable over the fact that Dorothy was out of his life…but she was still healthy and whole. If she had died, he didn’t know how he would cope with it.

And if that’s her reason, I can completely understand…but in that case, avoiding her is exactly the wrong thing to do! I’m showing her that she’s right to have this fear. That she can lose me if she isn’t careful.

He had to change his approach altogether. He went to his horse and re-mounted.