Page 22 of The Summer Plans

I swat my hand like it’s no big deal. “Don’t worry, I have a bunch. I always overpack.”

After a couple more tries, she works up the nerve to try it on herself, and when she emerges from the bathroom a little later with a smile on her face, I’m overwhelmed with pride.

She rushes over to give me a hug. “Thank you.”

“I’m happy to help. I have some time before Lana is in your shoes, but it’s good practice for when she is.”

When she pulls back from the hug, she bites her lip. “I’m sorry about earlier. With the kissing thing. I didn’t know you and my dad… I feel bad.” She drops her head, refusing to look at me.

“Hey, it’s okay.” I bend down to look at her, but the awkward angle wrinkles my shoulders, making my sunburn scream at me. “Ouch.”

Her eyebrows knit in concern. “What’s wrong?”

“My sunburn. I keep forgetting about it and twisting in weird ways until it reminds me that it’s still there.” I straighten, tugging my silk robe away from the offending shoulder.

“That looks bad. Do you want me to rub some aloe on it? It’s the least I can do for you helping me, especially when I didn’t deserve it.”

Her self-deprecating comment tugs at my heart strings and I look her straight in the eyes, making sure she hears my words. “You don’t have to do anything to deserve help or love. You are deserving. You didn’t know about our past, but I knew you weren’t trying to be mean. And there’s nothing you need to apologize or repay me for. This isn’t a tit-for-tat situation.”

“Thanks.” Her voice is soft, unsure, and while it saddens me that she feels this way, I also don’t want to tell her that I’m hoping her dad will rub aloe on me later.

I wave my hand toward the bathroom as I speak. “I saw this remedy online about taking a baking soda bath, and I was gonna try that.”

“He’s a good guy, you know, and a really great dad. I can tell he likes you.”

“Oh? What makes you think that?” I hold my breath as I wait for her answer. I shouldn’t be entertaining this.

“His face flushed when I brought up your kiss. And I’ve never seen him this flustered around a woman.”

Before I’m able to unpack her words, she smiles and leaves the room.

Later, as I slide into the not-warm-enough water, Sophie’s words fill my thoughts. She has great parents, loving and supportive, so I wonder where her lack of self-confidence stems. As disappointed as I am in RJ for his choices back in high school, I know he’s a good dad. I don’t get the impression that her issues stem from her relationship with him. Maybe there’s a shitty boyfriend or ex in her life who’s made her feel less than. If so, I completely understand where she’s coming from.

My ex was an asshole, but he hid it well. We met when I took a job at his company. Todd wanted a wife to dote on him, someone to raise a family with. He convinced me to quit my job, promising me he’d provide everything I needed. When we first got together, I thought we were on the same page, but when we struggled to conceive, his true colors came out. And while he was open to adoption, I could tell it wasn’t what he wanted.

Right after we signed the adoption paperwork and brought the twins home, he changed. Initially, I chalked it up to a big project he was juggling at work, convincing myself that what I was dealing with was just the stress of being a new mom to newborn twins. Todd was spending more time at the office, and I felt like I was raising my babies alone. He didn’t do night feedings, always claiming he had to be up early. Diapers, bottle feedings, and burping babies were women’s work, he’d say. It was all I could do to get him to watch them so I could shower. The entire mental load fell on me. All Todd provided was income for our family.

The twins were six months old when I realized I hadn’t had a period since we brought them home. I’d been eating like shit, grabbing what I could when I could while caring for two tiny humans and didn’t notice the weight gain until then. Suddenly, I had three kids under two. I poured everything I had into being a mother, silently mourning the loss of my marriage in the process. It wasn’t the fairy tale romance I’d been led to believe it’d be.

We divorced when the twins were seven after I caught him cheating on me. I was able to convince him to give me fifty-one percent ownership in his company if I stayed quiet about his indiscretions. Then I sold my shares to his biggest competitor and used the earnings to hire a nanny and put myself through courses to get my real estate license. It’s been a difficult few years, but I’m proud of where I am today.

A shiver wracks my body, making my shoulders tingle, and I release the drain with my foot as I watch the water empty from the tub. After I rinse the baking soda water off, I wrap a towel around myself and walk into the bedroom.

RJ is sitting on the edge of the bed, arms propped on his knees as he looks down at his hands, picking at his nails. His head pops up, and he stares at me in the doorway. The way he’s looking at me feels dangerous. Am I imagining the longing I’m seeing on his face?

I shake my head, clearing the thought as I walk over to the closet.

“Do you, uh…” His voice squeaks and he clears his throat then continues. “Do you need help putting on your pajamas? And aloe?”

Is he nervous? “And aloe? What about aloe? That’s not a full thought or sentence.” I don’t know why I’m teasing him, but for the first time in a long time, it feels like it did when we were kids teasing each other before our feelings fucked everything up.

“Do you need me to rub you… with aloe again?” His hazel eyes lock with mine. A piece of his messy blond hair flops onto his forehead, and my breath stutters as I remember how it felt running my hands through that hair.

“I don’t need you to do anything.” There’s not as much bite in my words as I’d like, but they wound him just the same as he winces.

“Do you want me… to rub aloe, I mean?”

This feels dangerous, like there’s more on the line than after-sun care. Unsure if I should admit what I really want out loud, I nod and then turn my back to him, closing the closet door behind me as I get dressed.